Hey, Yard Worksketeers! It’s me, your old buddy, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, host of Yard Work Hollywood, the brand-new glitzy delivery system for the same old lovable hardball discussion and analysis! And totally unrelated to E$PN Hollywood, hosted by that choad…uh, I mean my old buddy Mario Lopez! (Just kidding, Lopes.)

I’m here to announce that the first stage of Yard Work Hollywood is the development of the new Yard Work forum. This forum on the Inter nets will be a place to hang out, kick back, talk smack, get xxx-treme on each other, and talk about the great American pastime. Or you could just go talk about what your favorite Zack Attack song was! (Mine was “Did We Ever Have a Chance?” but your mileage may vary.)

All you need to do is go hit up this link, which will send you straight into the madness and mystery that is…THE YARD WORK FORUMS! Mingle with the cream of the Work crop, chat up other browsers, and make the scene! Then you can be all like “Aw, yeah!” and “Blazam!” and “Kapow!” Speaking of which, remember how Kelly Kapowski was like the hottest teenager in the history of the world, and then when she reappeared as the slutty girl on “90210” you were at first like “Damn, she’s all grown up now!” and then later you were like “Man, her face is all huge and icky, I liked her better before?” and then you saw her making out with Jamie Pressley and you were like, “Man, I don’t care how big her head is!”

Well, I was there first. Not to brag, but hey, that’s Hollywood!

Listen, here a few Cool Rools for y’all:

1. We’d like you to register. Not necessary, but only registered users can start threads on the forums, and that’s where the fun is! Well, posting’s fun, too. It’s like Elizabeth Berkley. Yeah, she was cute on the Bell, sure, in a gawky smart Space Camp way. But then you see her in Showgirls and you’re like DAMN YO she is smoking! And she can act, too – remember that scene with the ice cubes? But, yeah, I “knew” her way back when. Yeah, you’re jealous, but that’s Hollywood!

2. We reserve the right to kick your ass out at any time if we think you’re being a Lopez…um, I mean a jerk. (Haha, Mario, gotcha again!) (Hey, how many sports was A.C. Slater in, anyway? Like, eight a year? What was up with that?) Do unto others like you want done to you. I think Dustin said stuff like that a lot. You see that guy recently? Dude’s buff! He shreds on stage, too!

3. We have some subsections in the forums – for Yard Work talk, baseball talk, and other type of talk – but please don’t just go there to whine about your precious little crappy emo life. Friendster is Friendster, and Yard Work ain’t Friendster. Keep it real, keep it baseballish, keep it upbeat, like Lisa Turtle! (By the way, remember how they had that one weird crypto-plot towards the end of my reign on “Saved by the Bell” where I broke my leg and Lisa and I were flirting with each other, and it looked like we were gonna hook up, but we never did because NBC wussed out? And then Lark Voorhies got all hot when she got older? Yeah, I was there first. That’s Hollywood!)

4. Did you know that hot blonde from The New Class was in Cruel Intentions 2? I haven’t seen that, but I saw the first one. Good thing I got the large popcorn, know what I mean? She was on Everwood, too! You know that was no accident!

Well, that’s all you need to know. I’ll be online as one of the moderators, as will some of the YW “staff” and maybe even some of your favorite players! (I kind of doubt that last part, but still.) Go hit it and quit it, and I’ll catch you on the board!

Mark-Paul Gosselaar played Zack Morris on “Saved by the Bell” and “Saved by the Bell: The College Years,” a whole crapload of TV movies that can now be seen on Lifetime Movie Network, and some cop on “NYPD Blue” after Ricky Schroeder left. He is the host of Yard Work Hollywood, which has NOTHING to do with E$PN Hollywood. In fact, we thought of it first.