1) Pearl Jam – “Betterman”
A great song off a great album. When I was in college, I didn’t really “get” Vitalogy, especially the more experimental tracks like “Tremor Christ” and “foxymophandle”. I wanted “Evener Flow” and “Even More Flow,” you know? But songs like “Betterman” – written by Eddie when he was 14! – cut through all that willfull “artistic” confusion and cut to the quick like the best Pearl Jam does. Reports says the new Jam – coming soon! – is going to be fantastic. You know I’m stoked. Of course, it goes without saying that Bronson & I do a killer version of “Hunger Strike.” Get enough Jaeger in me, and I’ll hit those high notes like Ike hit Tina. (Hey, Gammo!)

2) Rolling Stones – “Monkey Man”
True story: back in elementary school, me and 3 of my friends, for a school project, made a Claymation film. Actually, it was 4 shorter unrelated Claymation films put together. We spent a lot of nights after school moving figurines and clicking a button, moving figurines and clicking a button. It was a pain, no doubt, just moving a little pipe cleaner one little bit for about 20 frames. But seeing the finished product, and having folks applaud at the end, was totally worth the effort. Being a GM is very similar: you make all of these minor maneuvers that don’t seem like much at first, but, in the big picture, make all the difference. That is, unless someone (like a nosy Social Studies teacher) tries to butt in and “help” when his help isn’t warranted, and then tries to take credit when he didn’t do a damn thing except nearly screw up everything.

Anyway, each of us chose a different song to soundtrack our film. I chose “Monkey Man”. My film was about an alien trying to eat a car. I would’ve used “Rapture,” but that’s too obvious, you know? I would almost give away my World Series ring just to play guitar like Keith Richards. Almost.

3) All-American Rejects – “Dirty Little Secret”
Rivers Cuomo, you’ve been served. I’ll admit, a lot of emo-pop turns me off real quick, but if you can deny the hooks & power of this tune, then you’re a balding megalomanaical mealy-mouthed pasty-faced f*ck-knuckle in desperate need of attention and validation. Or you write for the Globe.

4) Default – “Wasting My Time”
Some nu-grunge ain’t half bad. If Seven Mary Three could actually write a good song, they’d write this. And then break up. A great song to jam to, especially if you’re really pissed off about your life or your job or a former mentor stabbing you in the back.

5) Puff Daddy – “All About the Benjamins”
The telegraph-line guitar on this track is great. That rock remix is awful, though – hi, Diddy, Rick Rubin called. He wants his ideas back. Anyway, I hadn’t thought about this song for a long time until I heard about this on-air beef between Diddy and Style P & Jadakiss. Jada was talking about sticking Diddy in a fridge for stealing millions of dollars from him – it was nuts! The bit I heard ended with Jada suggesting Angie Martinez play teh reggaeton remix of “Benjamins” so Diddy gets paid. Man, I WISH there was a reggaeton – or reggaetron, ha! – version of this, w/ that Don Omar “reggaeton latino” track as the beat. Speaking of Mr D-Block:

6) Jadakiss – “Checkmate”
Jada’s diss track to 50 Cent. Fierce. “Your raps are pre-school, you made a lot of money, now be cool / ‘Fore I swell up your lips like seafood.” Best laugh in pop music. Thanks to Big Papi for this one. I’ll be missing you, for real, D. Manny, though, not so much. (I keed, I keed! Theo being Theo!)

7) Veruca Salt – “Seether”
Back at Yale, this was my guilty pleasure. I’ll admit, it was the video. And then, after I heard the Blow It Out Your Ass EP, it was all about the music. Don’t know what the hell happened to Louise, but I’m glad to see Nina Gordon still kicking around. (If I had a 7a, it’d be her acoustic version of NWA’s “Straight Outta Compton”. That’s right, acoustic. Sheds the song in a whole new light. Don’t front.)

8) The Who – “Won’t Get Fooled Again”
So Mr. Shaugnessy, in a recent column, suggested that the newly vacated General Manager position with the Boston Red Sox should be filled by a certain Brookline native that once held that very position. I dunno about you, but it made me think of this song. And the number of gullible twerps that bought into his curse hoonja-doonja for the past umpteen years, & how he and his humped-back drooling cronines are itching to perpetuate another curse now that a certain someone related to the 2004 championship season decided to cut bait. Figures – if you stop poking a turd, it stops stinking, right?

It also made me think of the Yankees, a team that’s almost single-handedly ruined this song. Almost. Also, Brian Cashman, a guy with the heart of a lion and the intestinal fortitude to match. Good luck in the Bronx, Bri, and tell George I said the Red Sox are interested in signing Brad Ausmus & Terrence Long. Oh – and $84M for Damon is a bargain at ten times that price, if only for the ins he has with Alter Bridge. I’d give him an 8th year, though, just to be safe. *wink*

PS – remember what I said about some nu-grunge not sucking? That doesn’t apply to any Creed-like products.

9) Letters to Cleo – “Here & Now”
Probably Boston’s best post-Pixie band. (Longwave schlongwave.) Some of my fondest memories are from Gammo’s “Hot Stove, Cool Music” fundraiser in 2003, seeing LtC reunite & kick out this jam. Best “End Of the World As We Know It” rip ever. And for all of you out there around my age that say you didn’t like this song: you are FULL. OF. IT. You’re the same folks that won’t admit you watched She-Ra after school. Stop being a “man” and admit it already.

10) Player – “Baby Come Back”
And, yeah, I’ve got a soft spot for 70s AM schmaltz, too. Second in this era only to “Baker Street” in terms of getting something in my eye. (You simply cannot deny that proto-Clarence Clemons sax work on “Baker Street”, unless you’re dead inside.) Someone, somewhere, is playing this song and thinking about someone they did wrong, and wishing they’d walk through that door like Larry Bird or Han Solo or something. I don’t know who, but whoever you are: don’t hold your breath. Or your nuts.

Theo Epstein plays guitar for Trouser.