Hi again folks. I wish I was posting in a better mood, but like Shonda tells me, sometimes you have to say what you have to say. After yesterday’s 8-3 loss to Detroit (Detroit!), I can’t keep my mouth shut anymore. You have a kid like Jeremi Gonzalez pitching the game of his life, leaving it all on the mound, and then in comes Blaine F-cking Neal to give up a walk and a homer, and THEN in comes Embree to toss some more slow-pitch softballs so our guys have no shot at coming back. And this was AFTER “post season hero” Keith Foulke coughed up another home run and almost blew a save against the Rangers this weekend.

This crap makes me sick. We have a group of people here trying to win games – which, by the way, guys, is what it’s all about – and we have a group of people giving games away. I don’t know if it’s because everyone’s still drunk on Yankee Stadium champagne, or high off of fumes from polishing the World Series rings I helped them win, but this has to stop right now. There’s a difference between throwing and pitching, just like there’s a difference between being good and being great. Right now, in our bullpen, we have a bunch of stupid idiot throwers, just chucking whatever crap they can up there to major league hitters that’re taking them into the gap and out of the ballpark. It’s a disgrace to the uniform, it’s a disgrace to their teammates, it’s a disgrace to their fans, and it’s a disgrace to this country. We have people dying in Iraq to preserve our freedom – if you think it’s easier to stare down an Al Qaeda suicide bomber than to throw Strike One, then I suggest you get your chickensh-t ass on a plane over there and do something with your life.

I don’t know how these guys can even stand to look at themselves in the mirror. After my piss-poor starts this year (which I totally take the blame for), I spent hours watching tape of myself throwing meatballs to AAA hitters, analyzing my motion, trying to find out where I was going wrong, and swearing like Jack Nicholson in Five Easy Pieces. You can ask Shonda – I WAS the motherf-cking shore patrol, motherf-cker! I don’t like to lose. No one does. No one should. But it’s not enough to say “my bad” and then just go out there and do it again. It’s not enough to want the ball when you can’t handle the ball. We are Major League players, and we have a job to do, and that job is to win baseball games. And it’s time to start doing your job. Spring Training is over.

There’s nowhere I’d rather be than Boston – the city’s been great to me and Shonda, the fans are fantastic, and Fenway Park is the greatest place to play baseball. But, from what’s happening in-game, it looks like my teammates don’t want me to stick around and help bring this great city the World Series Championships it deserves. It looks like Foulker & A&E & MT & all those other jerkoffs want to finish behind less-talented teams because, gee, we already WON the World Series, we’ve done everything we wanted to do. Yeah, that’s right JOHNNY DAMON – I’m looking right at you when I say that. If you’re done, then get out right now. There’s no room for lame ducks on a ballteam. If you want out, just say so, because I’ll be happy to leave.

By the way, kids – there’s still time to enter and win a chance to meet me, CURT SCHILLING, and throw out the first pitch at Fenway Park! Just click here for more information! I’m working real hard to make it back and help right this ship of fat sadsack drunks and hippies so I can take us to another World Series win! Hope to see you soon!