G’day! The yobbos here at Hard Wood asked me to scribble out a bit about my first year in the NBA. At first, I told them, “Pull your head in, mate” — but then I figured out that this might be a good way to keep in touch with the Joe Bloggs back home. So here they are, some of my thoughts. Hope you understand Strine!

First off, lemme just say that I’m proud to be playing for the Milwaukee Bucks. When I first got here and had a squiz at the place, I wasn’t too wrapped about “Cream City.” It was like I’d been shipped out to Bullamakanka! I was feeling like I had kangaroos loose in my top paddock for a while. But now I’ve had a bo-peep around, I think it’ll be pearl. After all, there’s plenty of the amber fluid in Wisconsin!

Things were tough at first. Early on, I thought I was up the gumtree for sure. Practices in the NBA are a lot harder than at Utah, and our new coach’s offense had us racing around like it was Rafferty’s rules! But it’s settled down now, I’m learning new techniques twenty to the dozen. I’m even getting a nod from some of the blokes. Here’s a funny story: we were at practice the other day and someone let one go, really ripped it, sounded like he dropped his guts. (I think it was Kukoc.) I waited a beat, then said, “Who cut the dog in half?” The fellas thought that was pretty funny. I just kinda said to myself, “Onya, mate.”

They’re all great guys, which shows that you can be a right bloke even if you’re on a good wicket. Mike Redd is always good for a cuppa, and that Bobby Simmons’ blood is worth bottling. I like to hang around with Gadzooks (that’s what we call him) because he’s a long drink of water like me. We like to go out, order a couple of schooners, and slate up the NCR rating on the sheilas in the place. The other night he got pissed as a family fart and I had to carry him home!

But we spar on the court — the other day he elbowed me and I ended up with a goog on my knob like you wouldn’t believe. All in fun, though, and it’s not like it’s thugby or footbrawl out there. I had a bad pong in my gob when I found out we’d gotten Magloire and I’d be coming off the bench — I went to the coach and said “Don’t come the raw prawn with me, mate!” But he set me straight, told me to pull my socks up, and I did. I don’t want to be shirty or seen as a grizzle. Hey, I don’t have any tickets on myself, and I have to remember that I’m a dinki-do now. So I went and had a Bex on me own, and I feel a whole lot better. Plus, Jamaal is showing me the ropes — he’s not exactly going to talk the leg off an iron pot, but we get along, because I know what it’s like to be on the wallaby track.

Okay, time to blow; Joe Smith has invited us all to go out on Latrell Sprewell’s yacht, and I figure I’ll give it a Burl. Hoo roo, bugalugs!

Andrew Bogut plays for the Milwaukee Bucks. He attended the University of Utah and was taken with the #1 pick in the 2005 NBA Draft.