The other day I pointed out the latest example of Barry Bonds’ selfish, callous behavior. When asked what the government should do about steroids, Bonds had the audacity to shield his Macy’s Thanksgiving Day-sized head behind Hurricane Katrina.

“We’re the United States. We have a crisis here that everybody needs to start contributing to. Not pointing fingers. Contributing to,” he said between steroid injections and potshots at Jeff Kent. As I wrote at the time (sorry for repeating myself, but I said it perfectly before): The nerve of this guy using the Gulf Coast disaster to trivialize the seriousness of the steroid epidemic facing this country. Obviously, the Katrina tragedy is far more pressing, but does that mean we should forget about all the teenagers abusing steroids?

Of course not. And as we’ve found out that the “horrors” in New Orleans were more like a typical night at Mardis Gras, who’s to say that steroids aren’t more important? Yes, a rich tradition in New Orleans has been inconvenienced, but we’ve got our own band of thugs holding the National Pastime hostage, and no one wants to stand up to these (c)rap-loving jerks and say enough is enough!

That column really got me to thinking (yes, I do it from time to time), and I’ve started to wonder if the two aren’t really related. Those soccer-loving Europeans and sports-hating liberals are blaming Katrina and Rita (which fizzled like Bonds in October) on global warming, a concept about as proven as Kerry Collins in an AA meeting. The only global warming I see is a bunch of hot air rising above Europe from all of this baloney. Seriously, those Europeans make fantasy baseball dorks look like Jonas Salk in comparison!

But in the same way that home runs are getting bigger and more frequent every single day, hurricanes are becoming less like nuisances and more like dates from hell. Could it possibly be that we are being punished for being a Steroid Nation? Some know-nothing tree-huggers are probably claiming that we’re suffering for our sins in re-electing President George W. Bush to a triumphant second term. But maybe those shower-eschewing Frenchies-in-training had it half-right. Maybe instant karma is getting us. In the behind. In a bathroom stall. With Jose Canseco taking notes. And Mark McGwire as NOT ME!

I agree with Senator McCain — it’s a travesty and a shame that these drugs are not only infecting our beloved pastime, but also our children. Our children, Barry! Maybe your kids, too, Mr. Home Run King. Assuming you aren’t already lacing their Flintstones Chewables with PEDs. Or chasing their Triaminic with some of Miggy T’s B-12. But maybe He feels it’s a travesty and a shame, too, and He’s taking action to show His displeasure. Is it any coincidence that the Superdome — home to the laugh-a-minute New Orleans Aints of the National Steroid League — was one of the landmarks most ravaged by Katrina’s wrath? As if Lyle Alzedo and Romo weren’t enough of a hint.

The fact is, the government wouldn’t be involved if it weren’t for prima donna millionaires and their shyster check-cutters doing absolutely NOTHING to fix this problem. Yes, it’s that bad. Yes, it’s come down to this. And, yes, Barry, it’s a crisis that needs to be fixed as soon as possible. It’s not like we can’t fix sports and New Orleans and spread democracy and take out Iran and stop North Korean nuclear proliferation. We’re the United States of America. If we can’t do it, then the world is doomed.

Skip Bayless is a columnist for E$PN and a frequent correspondent on the hit E$PN2 morning show “Cold Pizza.”