I am so sick of this sh*t. Every year, the Red Sox spend all this f*cking money to make a run at the Yankees and shut those overpaid sacks of sh*t up once and for all, and every year they get everyone’s hopes up, and every year they end up looking up the Yankees’ brown eye like a bunch of fairies dressed up like little girls. Well, they can suck my dick until it spits out Guinness if they want a front-row view of Yankee ass every f*cking year. For the love of Christ, we had a FIFTEEN GAME LEAD on those cocksuckers. And now it’s four? The f*ck!

It’s all that stupid preppie “rock star” piece of sh*t’s fault. F*ck you, Theo Epstein. Like having some fancy college degree means you know a f*cking thing about baseball. We had a great team in 2004, and you let it all go to sh*t. You think it’s not ironic that KEVIN MILLAR – Mr. Cowboy Up – stuck it to us yesterday? We’re still paying for that overrated sack of sh*t Renteria – thank God I don’t have to watch his lazy ass airmail another throw past poor Youuuuuuuuuk. Heard he’s doing great for those Braves f*cks, tho. Figures he’d hit now that he’s in the minor leagues. And now we got this Lugo f*ck, a guy that actually got caught beating his f*cking wife. Real classy. That’s like $20 million down the drain right there. Not like we’re the Yankees, and can pay over $20 million to have a juice-filled first baseman coming off the bench to hit juiced homers for us. Meanwhile, Han-Ram’s an MVP down there for the f*cking Marlins, and OC’s an MVP guy for the Angels. Way to go, Theo!

And the pitching. What the f*ck ever. Letting World Series hero Derek Lowe go was pure class. Yeah, we don’t need a 15-game winner. Yeah, re-upping that fat no-good Schilling was a great move. He’s f*cking done – that fat f*ck can’t go more than six because he’s so f*cking fat. Dice-K’s one plate of General Tso’s away from hitting his weight class, too. Konichiwa, french fries! And that “oh he’s so good” Clement guy, the one with the ball hair on his chin – where the f*ck did he go? Dude takes one off the noggin, and just goes to sh*t. F*ckin’ A, I saw Tony C take one right in the eye as a kid, and he just shook it off and came right back. Now these guys can’t put on a jockstrap before they get thirteen doctors to say they’re OK. What a crock of sh*t. I guess we should be happy we don’t have His Rogerness getting all that cash to teabag the other team, though I know Theo was this close to wrapping his lips around that fat hick’s sausage.

I tell ya, it takes a special type of guy to handle the pressure of Red Sox Nation. Everyone talks about New York being a tough town, but people that said that never had one of Boston’s finest shove a nightstick up their cornhole for using someone’s face as a streetsweeper. One of those f*cking twinkletoes outside the Avalon giving me that “how you like dem apples” sh*t after the Sox lost to the Royals. Yeah, I’ll tell you what is love, RuPaul.

And don’t get me started on this French f*ck. F*cking Gagne, ooh la la, Eiffel Tower and frog legs. Kick my ass, you fat hoser f*ck, eh? That Gabbard kid, he had something. He was like a young Aaron Sele, or Kevin Morton – he had guts, that kid. Gagne, the fat retard with the retard goggles, he only has a gut, and it gets in the way every time he grooves a pitch right down the f*cking middle. And f*cking Tito keeps on going back to him! Way to use your brain on that one, Tito!

So, yeah, this year’s shot. No chance. It’ll be the Yankees ONCE AGAIN because George spends the big bucks, and the Sox are playing like dogsh*t against teams that’ll gladly bend over for the Evil Empire. So for next year:

1) Resign Lowell to a 6 year deal. That guy’s everything good about the Red Sox, and he’s only gonna get better.
2) Trade that lazy f*ck JD Drew. Maybe the Marlins will take him & Lugo for Han-Ram and that Cabrera kid. Not like they know any better. We can throw in Kyle Snyder, too, just to sweeten the deal.
3) Ship Manny Being Manny the f*ck out. I am so sick of his garbage, and you know teams would love to have him. The D-Rays would love to jump on that sh*t. Get Kazmir and Crawford out of the deal, and I’d say we’re about even.
4) Sign Andruw Jones cheap, because he’s sucking sh*t this year, and the strip clubs in New England are awesome. Ask the Hit Dog!
5) Sign A-Fraud to a 10-year, 300-million-dollar deal, and have him ride the pine. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH F*CK YOU YANKEES! I can’t wait until that greasy old money-grubbing f*ck up and dies so I can pinch a loaf on his f*cking grave.

LOVE THAT DIRTY WATER!

Red Sox Nation presidential hopeful Sean Sullivan is proud of his nephews, and once split a six-pack with Dana Kiecker.