That’s me on the left, BTW, in case you couldn’t tell me from my dad; some folks can’t!
Lemme just cut through the junk and get to what’s on my mind:
[I, Koby Clemens] declared himself a full-time third baseman and signed earlier this month for a bonus of $380,000 – money that the son of a multimillionaire who drove to Houston’s Memorial High School in a Hummer surely didn’t need. And no one in the greater sports public seemed particularly troubled by this acceleration of material gain the way so many seemed to be when the high-risk driver in the Hummer a couple of years ago was LeBron James.
Now what in the blazin state of Texas is wrong with making money? Actually, lemme try this on: what is wrong with KIDS making money? Mr. Harvey Araton of the super-fancy New York Times thinks that I should go to school for four more years instead of make some money. But why do you think I was gonna go to school, huh? That’s right – to make money! Parents are always buggin their kids to get out of the house and do something with their life and get a job. But when someone in their late teens actually goes and does that, Mr. College-Educated Harvey Araton says, “Hold on there, kid! Don’t sign that contract with the $380,000 bonus! You should go to school and freeload off your parents for a couple more years while you get some stupid piece of paper that says you’re really smart and can tell other people how to live their lives!” If I was my dad, this’d be the time that I’d rear back and buzz Mr. College Professor with some chin music to make him think twice about getting uppity. So what if my dad’s well off? I don’t want him to spend his retirement money on me! What kind of son would make his dad do that?
Especially now that my dad’s actually getting paid what he’s worth. I heard all the stories about the Red Sox pinching pennies and making my dad play through pain for league minimum. The Yankees gave my dad a car when he left, and he was only there for a few years. My dad spent most of his career with the Red Sox, and almost won them a World Series, and they threw him out like they throw out the trash. My dad’s worked a long hard time to get to where he is, and to get what he’s worth, and I’m not gonna let him spend any more of that cash on me than he needs to. Eighteen millions dollars ain’t what it used to be. And Mr. Harvey Araton acts like a Hummer’s some big fancy car – I need to get around somehow, right? You’d rather I drive some beat-up rusted-out Chevette and put my life at risk every time I drive to the Piggly Wiggly, Mr. College?
Anyway, it’s like this: I’m gonna be a professional ballplayer. My dad’s one of the best players to ever play the game (in case you forgot), and I got his genes, so it’s obvious. Now, I could go to college where my dad went to college, and I could win a few College World Series titles, and get lots of press, and meet lots of hot Kappa Kappa pledges, and shut down a few keggers, but you know how much money I’d get for that? That’s right – a big fat zero. I’d make more money beating up 5-year-olds at the playground than I would trying to get a stupid degree. Plus my dad would have to foot the bill for kids to do my homework and take my tests, pay for my Hummer (gas ain’t cheap, y’know! stupid terrorists!), and let’s not even talk about beer costs. If you think Koby Clemens is gonna settle for Piels or The Beast when he’s gunning for home plate with Little Miss Waco, you’re ten cents short of a quarter.
And, also – with the way things are what with the gas prices being so out of whack and some recession thing going on and inflation and all of that, young folks need to save some cash as soon as possible, like my dad’s friend (and TV superstar!) Mr. Canseco said a while back. Most kids at my age are throwing their money away on all sorts of silly stuff, like laptop computers and houses and wedding rings and junk like that. Not me! All I got are the clothes on my back, the Hum-Vee in my dad’s driveway, and a taste for good brews (and women). When I’m my dad’s age, which is like 500 years away, I’m gonna be wicked loaded, and all because I DIDN’T go to college like Mr. Harvard wants me to.
So, yeah, I’m going to be a Houston Astro, just like my dad. I get to travel all over the country, I get to face up-and-coming superstars (like myself), I get a cool 400K just for writing my name, and I get the Kappa Kappa girls on the Longhorn campus AND all over the US. After all, ladies love a man in uniform. Seriously – how cool is that? I betcha if Mr. Harvey Araton took off his reading specs long enough to find a clue, he’d do the same thing in my shoes. As a matter of fact, I betcha he’s jealous of folks like me and my boy Bron-Bron. We’re young, successful athletes, with lots of cash, lots of fame, and our whole life waiting for us. Mr. Harvey Araton’s probaby some overweight washed-up old man with bad eyesight and a wife the size of a beefalo (with a face to match) and his sad little diploma hanging on his wall. It’s like what Will Smith said: old folks just don’t understand.
Pay Koby!
Koby Clemens, son of 7-time Cy Young Award winner Roger Clemens, was the Houston Astros’ 8th round selection in the 2005 Major League Baseball First-Year Player Draft. He is currently playing for the Astros’ Rookie League affiliate in Greeneville, TN.
you little cocky ass fuckin piece of shit! u need your fuckin face punched in a few times and then ur head shoved up ur dads ugly ass.
wait a minute??? Did koby clemenes actually write that??? he is such a cocky spoiled brat!!!
ha ha ha. kids funny, got a future in comedy too. 100% correct, people somehow forget that being a Professional Athlete involves being a professional. Kids got a job and a good one, one you don’t need a college degree for like Dennys’ or CVS or janitor. I don’t see any complaint about the millions of professional soldiers comming straight out of high school, no 380g signing bonus for that. Besides, on a proballers per anum, i think this kid could afford to go to school should he see fit.
Koby, I’m tickled pink that you will be playing for the Astros. I can understand the concern others have expressed about your future in terms of education, but I think you’ll do fine and won’t look back with regrets about this decision.
I hope that your father continues to be a part of the team in some capacity.
Martha
Im glad houston finally got a player with balls that can talk shit and defend himself 4 a change. Screw the old fart that talked shit… that man cant see a young man movin up on his own…peace out and keep it real
I live in houston and think you and your dad are great.I awasy like your mom are cheking your stats.I hope to see you in the majors in 06.Tyler age 10.
koby, i’m a BIG astros fan! one of the best days of my life was when i was told that your dad was coming to play in houston, i have seen you play in high school when you were plaing creek and when i was told that you passed up UT (GIG’ EM) to play for houston, i was so happy! you are a great ball player and you will go far! dont let any one (from new york) tell you what is right for you! your fans will stand behind you all the way! let make it to the major’s in 2007!
thanks,
amy
Like father, like son.
Is that really Koby? It sounded a lot like his dad when he was acting like a spoiled little brat during his last few years in Boston.
what is this? SOMEONE please respond to this…who writes this? i know this isnt koby writing this crap, who’s site is this? someone answer…
thanks
and for the person who said rocket was a spoiled brat in boston, shut it…you all dont know crap, why dont you research why everything went baad in boston? the only true question is, how can an organization let go maybe the “best” pitcher ever? i dont think it was rocket, fellas
thanks
You are a complete homo Koby…seriously, if my dog were as ugly as you I would shave its head and make it walk backwards. Your head looks like an overgrown testicle. Please do the world a favor and kill yourself. Who the fuck is retarted enough to lose a motherfucking hummer? You are the biggest piece of incompetent shit on the planet.
Shave its head and make it walk backwards? How original moron.
Anyways, Koby made the right decision. What if he would have gotten hurt at UT? Think he would be happy making a 6 figure income being in an office all day or making that same 6 possible 7 figure income on the baseball field? Its an obvious answer. Screw college, its about how well you can regurgatate information back onto a piece of paper, he showed how smart he truly was by signing out of HS. I played against Drew Stubbs (now a stud at UT) and he should have def. signed when he was drafted out of HS, he prolonged his money making career although it didnt hurt him, he still could have already been makin some money. Good for you Koby, id be a cocky son of a bitch if my dad was Roger Clemens and I was drafted in the 8th round of the MLB amateur draft too!! HUGE Astros fan, best of luck! Also from KY and I know youre with Lexington right now, good luck! Oh and ill be a soph. at Hiwassee College in Madisonville, TN, looking at Tusculum after I transfer (baseball) which is in Greeneville, maybe ill see ya around!
WOW, I guess Koby is going to be a GREAT ball player. He’s hitting a buck 98 in the minors. I wish my last name was Clemens.
That’s what happen when u start making money. By looking at the comments, people are not angry at you or your dad, they are just pissed because they are not in your shoes. Have a job opening and watch how many people who said something negative about you start sucking your dick. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK KOBY!!
Good for you…
If you ever come to New York City.
Come by Ace Bar on 5th Street in Manhattan.
YOU SUCK YOUR FATHER SUCKS BIG DICK AND ONLY TWO THINGS EVER CAME OUT OF TEXAS STEERS AND QUEERS AND YOU AND YOUR FATHER HAVE NO HORNES BURN IN HELL FGOT
Ok, Koby, enough. Part of being the man is acting like one in the first place. Try understanding and correctly writing the English language. Did you ever hear the expression “act like you’ve been there before.” It was coined by the great Barry Sanders. The essence of class as an athlete is “acting like you’ve been there before.” Try it the next time you hit a homerun.
By the way, it’s not in your genes. There is a very real chance that you won’t be a star like your dad, and that’s okay. Just try to remember that you already have been blessed with family wealth far beyond what most people will make in ten lifetimes. It should humble you that you get to play a game for a living and not worry about the consequences of not making it. Hit your knees, kid.
what a douchebag
Both you and your dad are fucking pieces of shit. You need to take a gun shove it down your throat and pull the trigger you fucking homo. You’re not that good, you think you are but your not, know one even knows who you are and they dont care. Oh and you are the ugliest mutherfucker i’ve ever seen, burn in hell you cocky fucking piece of shit. By the way i’m not jealous of you, i just think you are gay. FUCK YOU
KOBY, you suck. .196, really good. NOT!!! You don’t have natural talent, you’re daddy was a pitcher, not a hitter. AND YOU’RE DADDY WAS A CHEATER TOO. Just go back home Koby, you suck anyways. BTW, tell your dad that no matter what he says, we all know he is a LOSER AND A CHEATER!!!!
i think koby is a hottie and i look forward to seeing him in the avalance games and watch his career take off. i think that he has a future in baseball not just because of his family name but because he seems like a nice guy that cares about his fans and i respect that. if you read this comment, thanks for the autograph koby.
Koby looks a lot like his dad and i think he has a future in baseball (not just because he is a Clemens). Koby is my hero because he stuck by his dad throughout the steriod accusations and if you want my opinion or don’t want it I’m gonna give it anyway. I don’t think Roger did steroids and I’m not just saying that because I have a crush on Koby. Rock on Clemens. That includes Roger.