Hola, Red Sox Nation and Baseball Tonight fans. Thanks for having me, and thank you, Jesus, for inventing the computer. Since this ol’ bum ankle has me waylaid on the DL once again I thought I’d add to the jibber-jabber around these parts by sharing some of my thoughts on every baseball fan’s OTHER favorite pastime: Everquest.

I love Everquest so much that sometimes I wonder if it’s a temptation sent to me by SteinbrennerSatan (lol!). Don’t tell anyone, but there are times when I’m out on the mound in some snoozer against the Yankees or something, and my mind’s more on Cylc, my Everquest character, than on what Jason’s flashing to me between those meat-slab thighs of his. Cylc, as my good pal Doug Glanville knows, is a Dwarvin Cleric, a tough little guy with more spells than Johnny’s got back hair. (Hey now!)

Some might call this racist, but I’m partial to the dwarves when it comes to EQ. If you read any biology textbook, you’ll quickly learn that the dwarvin race is in many ways superior to our own. Their skin (if you ever get the chance to touch one you really should) is much more leathery, allowing them to withstand attacks from even the Raging Monolith. When the tough gets going, the dwarves say “where?”

Although my belief in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ prevents me from completely transforming myself, if I could choose to be a race other than my own, it would definitely be dwarvin. Heck, I’d even be Bingbong — Doug’s Dwarvin Paladin — so long as I could keep my fastball and I wouldn’t have to spend many nights around those blasted Aviaks in the Faydwer region. Lemme tell ya, that’d be no fun!

Well, I’d like to talk more, but the winds of Oggok are calling me yet again. If you have any Everquest, Red Sox or Jesus questions, just leave a note here and someone from ESPN will get in touch with me. Go Sox! Amen.