I can’t believe I’ve been here for almost 12 years. It’s all I can do to go into work sometimes. I mean, if it weren’t for the things that I hated about my job, it would be the greatest job in the world, right? In that sense, I’m no different than anyone else. I’m just a guy, probably like you, stuck working for a gigantic multi-million-dollar corporation that doesn’t seem to know what it’s doing, with itself or its personnel. The walls might be painted a little differently, there might be different food in the vending machines, the dress code might differ slightly, and, yeah, the pay scale might be a little differen. Other than that, I’m just punching the clock and cashing my check just like everyone other guy stuck in this place, or any place like this.

Well, every guy except for this new high-profile guy, Gil. He’s some fancy hotshot the current management team brought in as a sign that THIS YEAR things will be different. New coat of paint on the same old picket fence. “With all this fresh blood and youthful energy, THIS YEAR will be different.” “Now that we have a group of guys that are used to each other, THIS YEAR will be different.” “If we get a few breaks like everyone else seems to get, THIS YEAR will be different.”

Now I’m sure Gil’s a great guy, and my bosses think he’ll be an asset, but what he’s capable of, and what’s getting deposited in his bank account (from what I heard – I’m not a backstabbing gossip like some guys) … let’s just say they’re not seeing eye-to-eye. Actually, if what I heard is true, they’re seeing cross-eyed. I’ve had some encounters with Gil out in the field, and from what I’ve seen of him in action, it makes me wish that I was his age and able to name my price. I guess what we’re supposedly paying for him is the going rate for someone like him, but it doesn’t make the decision any more sensible.

But, like I said, there haven’t been many big ticket decisions made by the higher-ups of late that yielded positive results. Coming off our best showing in nearly a decade, the powers that be bring in this hot-shot consultant, some go-to guy with a great track record and experience up the wazoo. This guy end up grossing a couple million to not show up to work. He earned more lying on his back in one year than a Heidi Fleiss girl will probably earn in her lifetime.

Most of the other guys brought in for big bucks haven’t panned out, either. And every year, the bosses go all out to recruit these young kids, hoping to develop and cultivate them, and every year nearly every single one turns out to be a bust. Even Zach, the poor kid – guy had so much of the company’s fortunes put on his shoulders, he just snapped. I’m not surprised, though. He’s just a kid. He couldn’t do it alone, and there weren’t many folks that could help shoulder the load. I did my best, but it’s gotta be an effort by the entire team, and that just hasn’t been the case around these parts.

As for the few guys they actually DID develop in-house – I’m talking about Johnny & Carlos, of course – management cut bait on them before these guys would actually earn the money they deserved. It’s the same old story you’d hear in any business – cut bait with the folks that are going to break your bank, and bring in some kids that don’t know any better to take their place. Supposedly, the loss of experience is offset by the gains in money saved, but having to deal with some of these replacements (and, um, clean up their messes, to put it delicately), I’m not seeing the benefits of this strategy.

It’s (hopefully) not the guys making the most money that are killing your bottom line – if you’ve done some thinking, you’re hopefully paying market value for your most valuable employees. It’s all those folks making around the median salary, bunched together, that are the real culprits. Think about all these companies moving parts of their operation offshore – supposedly, getting five folks in India to do work for the money it would take to pay one guy stateside is a shrewd business decision. That is, until you realize that your so-called technical “experts” doesn’t know much more than your run-of-the-mill college graduate, and between training costs, growing pains, and even the hassle of communicating in someone’s second or third language, where’s your cost advantage?

If you spend your payroll wisely on these sorts of mid-level folks, then you’re ahead of the curve. But, given a choice, I’ll take one guy making big bucks, and a bunch of complementary folks under his wing, over a gaggle of guys that kinda sorta do an OK job, and the cash I’d save short-term. But don’t tell the bosses I said that.

Speaking of upper management – I’ve had way too many new bosses since I joined here to bother keeping count. Consistency at the top is just as important as consistency down here in the trenches. The ownership, though, they’re flip-flopping more than flapjacks made with jumping beans. It’s like they decide to change direction (and personnel) just when I remember everyone’s name without having to use the “hey, you” trick out of my hat.

But, yeah, when Johnny was starting off, and then Carlos, I thought to myself, “now THESE are the sorts of guys I want in the trenches with me.” Sure, they were wet behind the ears, and made some rookie mistakes, but you could see that they had enormous potential. And they’ve realized that potential. It’s just that they did it somewhere else. I lost touch with Carlos once he left – he was great to have around, but between the language barrier and other things, we never were that close. I still see Johnny a few times a year, though, on business. He’s living large in New York, doing just fine, both within himself and within his monthly bank statements. We’re not buddy buddy, but we could exchange pleasantries over drinks, no problems, even if his choice of beverage would definitely be of a higher proof than mine. Guy’s a trip without the luggage, to be sure – I have the patience of Job, and even I can only take so many “dude”s and unfinished thoughts in one conversation. In all honesty, though, I’m happy to see them both doing so well. If he, or Carlos, stuck around, they’d probably be sinking in the boat I’m bailing out right now.

So this is me. I’m 35, looking at my best years in the rear view mirror. I have trouble literally getting out of bed in the morning – not just because of job woes, but because I have the back of a 70-year-old woman. I look around me, and there’s no one else that I came up with around anymore. I’m the guy the kids look to for advice and guidance, though it’s as much out of circumstance as it is out of respect – anyone with any notable tenure in this place are long gone. Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m a lucky guy, doing what I do (and for the amount I do it for). I’m content with that, and I have a loving family, which is more than a lot of folks can say.

Still, I find myself wondering “what if” every so often, when I have some downtime, and I’m by myself. I’ve had plenty of chances to leave, sure, when I was a hot commodity. But, damn it all, I wanted to stick it out HERE. I wanted to make it work HERE. Anyone can just go where the money is – that’s the easy way out. I don’t blame anyone for making that choice, but it’s just not the way I’m wired. This place has a grand tradition, and though recent times might have tarnished the luster a tad, the successes can’t be taken away. Is it so hard to believe that things could be as good as they were?

Sometimes I think that maybe those prior successes, they were just dumb luck. Everything that could go right went right, and now, to even the score, everything that can go wrong is going horrifically wrong. Supposedly, the new boss’ strategy is going to work, but I can’t tell the difference anymore. All I see here is the same mix of fresh blood, castoffs, weathered retreads, and one or two high-priced baubles that will supposedly signal an end of this never-ending dry spell. And maybe it will, someday. Me, though, I won’t see it. I have one foot out the door, and the other one’s hovering over a six-foot-deep hole in the ground. My time’s passed, long gone into whatever dusty annals of history keep track of guys like me. I guess there’s pride to say that I Was Here, but that’s all I seem to have. For me, it’s “wait until next year” every year, until there’s no more next year to wait for. And that’s just the way it is.