So Deej and I are getting a manicure. For medical reasons. Don’t wanna get ingrown nails. No thanks. And don’t call me a sissy if you don’t want some boot with your crow. So we’re getting that done. And I get a call on my cell phone. The woman made me get one of these things. Don’t like it, but gotta have it. Ball and chain for the 21st century. (By the by – any of you folks get ahold of some ringtones by Black Oak Arkansas or Spirit, you know who to call. Love that stuff.)

So I get a call on my phone. Turns out I might be up for a Ford Frick Award. That’s for excellence in baseball broadcasting. That’s right, folks – Hawk might go to Cooperstown after all. Gotta love it when the bread lands butter-side up. I told Deej, Deej, I don’t know if I’m worthy. But Deej knew just what I wanted him to say. He took his hand out of the Palmolive, stood up, and said, “put it on the boooooooooooard YYYYYES!” Ha ha ha! He’s a good guy, Deej. A little slow in the sandals, but, hey, who ain’t? I’m not exactly Flash Gordon, either.

But this ain’t about me. It’s about MVP for the Junior Circuit. Though, really, the way thing are going in the NL, maybe the AL should be the Senior Circuit. Anyway, MVP. Folks might call me a homer, but homers win games, so I gotta go with Jermaine. Had a great year for the Sox defending their world championship. No one really wanted it, looked like. But Jermaine sure did. 44 homers. 120 rib-eyes. Hit a solid .315. If those aren’t MVP numbers, then I’m a fish taco.

Some folks might say, hey Hawk, what about Jim Thome? And I’ll say, yeah, Jim, had a heckuva year. Nice power. Fun guy, too. Lots of laughs. But you gotta play the field to be real valuable. You gotta put on a glove and get some dirt on your uni. Hitting’s nice and all, but it’s not the only thing. Now some folks might say, but Hawk, the Sox finished third. And I’ll say thanks for telling me what I know. Now think of where the Sox would’ve been without Jermaine? Think about it. Not a good thing to think about, right? That’s an MVP right there.

Now, I know that there are some other folks that are getting a look-see. Guys like Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer for the Twins, or Derek Jeter for the Yankees. Yeah, they’re good. Maybe they’d even start for the Sox. (Just kidding – Jeter can have a seat on my golf cart any day. Got a set of kiddie clubs just for you, Derek. Give Hawk a buzz, kid. Tee time.) But a superstar like Jeter is surrounded by superstars. Of course he’s going to have MVP numbers. Heck, I’d have a few dingers too if I was batting between guys like Sheffield and Abreu and Giambi. Even Deej might get a few infield hits. Maybe.

And guys like Morneau and Mauer are flukes. You can’t give awards to flukes. Who are these guys? Morneau’s got some pop, sure, but where did all those homers come from? And who ever heard of a catcher winning a batting title? That’s crazy talk. You can’t just go around giving people awards for being flukes. If you take a test, and get a few questions right, do you get an award? Heck no – you flunk out! If you win a few games in a row, do you get an award? Heck no – you have 162 games to play! And if you have one great season, do you get an award? Well, sometimes, but you shouldn’t.

You gotta do well for a long time all the time in order to even be considered for an award. For it to mean anything, that is. Broken clocks, folks, broken clocks. Being right twice a day doesn’t make you right all the time. Not like Jermaine. Jermaine’s been Mr. Consistency for the Sox ever since he put on the white and black. Nothing but class from Jermaine. And, for all those folks that care more about math than people, he’s got the numbers, too. It’s time folks outside of the South Side saw that. Good guys always win. I say vote for Jermaine. And, hey, if you got a vote for that Frick thing, how about giving old Hawk a little piece?

Ken Harrelson has served as an announcer for Chicago White Sox telecasts on WGN-TV since 1991.