1. “Billy S,” Skye Sweetnam.
What Ms. Sweetnam is brewing in her Canadian basement, no one really knows. Do we all want it, anyway? Oh, sweet transgressions, yes we do. This song tells you that Willie the Shake is a square who ain’t nowhere, and urges you to get dumm and shake yr bon-bon while it’s still young. Heady advice to go with a heavy set of riffs.

2. “Toxic,” Britney Spears.
I don’t care two shakes of a lamb’s woolly willy about lil’ Brit-Brit, but this song has more hooks than the oldest catfish in the pond, and twice as many weird sounds as you can make with a whoopie cushion and a sex doll of St. Louis Mayor Francis G. Slay combined. Recommended for trips to Colorado where the air is thin and the feet get real happy real fast.

3. “Milkshake,” Kelis.
Whether you’re talking about the real thing or just metaphorically, milkshakes are a tasty treat. I like to guess where the little ding goes in the track, but I guess that’s probably some kind of yucky metaphor too. There is no better at-bat music in the world, but LaRussa would kill me dead like Jacob and/or Bob Marley. The song that lunched a thousand counters.

4. “Karma,” Alicia Keys.
Could I do without her Carnegie-cred pianoplinking? Sure, but someone’s gotta play the damn thing, and she does as well as can be expected, considering how hard she’s working trying to live up to so many legacies at once. Must be exhausting — I never cared much for legacies. I like the idea of going around and coming around though, and so does Grudzielanek.

5. “Sk8er Boi,” Avril Lavigne.
What’s in that Canadian water? Every teenager in the provinces has a record deal, an ax(e) to grind, and a refreshingly bad attitude. I once got into an argument with Julian Tavarez about whether or not one would make out with her, given the chance; Juli says she looks like a drowned rat, but I say ‘Oooh mama, bring it on!’ Anyway, this song is truth on a bagel: I’ve been on both sides of the equation.

6. “Since U Been Gone,” Kelly Clarkson.
Don’t talk to me about how this song borrows tropes from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs; I’m more concerned about how it sounds like Betty and Veronica kicked Archie’s boring teen-idol-flat ass off the microphone, took over the band, and then TATU-ed their way into the Hall of Fame. I imagine, somewhere, a young Anaheim fan singing this to me. See ya in the Fall Classick!

7. “Hollaback Girl,” Gwen Stefani.
It’s not the beat, it’s not the marching band, it’s not the B-A-N-A-N-A-S thing — what makes this song ace pro #1 in Disco Dave’s book is the way she’s channeling the talking blooze (old Afram style through Jimmie Rodgers to Woody G to Bobby D to, I dunno, Michael Hutchence or something), putting a gyno-spin on it, and then standing there proud in her little red leotard. Plus it reminds me of my favorite session in The Dugout.

8. “Don’t Cha,” Pussycat Dolls f/ Busta Rhymes.
You know what’s cool? You’ve just ended the Milwaukee Brewer’s pathetic season by messing them up really bad in their own house. You’re down in the dressing room, messing around, and someone puts this on. Suddenly, there’s A-Puj, rocking nothing but a little towel, singing ‘Don chu wish your girfren was HOT LIKE AL’ while we all whoop and break stuff. So yeah, that’s cool.

9. “So Yesterday,” Hilary Duff.
It’s weird. I first came to public attention in the O.C., where the running debate was always “Hilary or Hailey?” I was always down with Hailey, because she’s ‘the talented one’ and I like her nose, and because Hilary was still in full-on Lizzie McGuire mode and I don’t swing with the teen scene like that. But have you seen the video for “Wake Up”? Hils is whippet-like and feral, officially hotter than the Lohan now. Sorry, Hails, you’re stuck with guest-starring on “That’s So Raven,” and you’re just ‘so yesterday’ to me.

10. “1 Thing,” Amerie.
Rich Harrison is the Tony LaRussa of hip-pop. Actually, Tony’s kind of a hip pop figure around here too. He may be all crustified dibbs on the outside, hair-trigger temper to go with his leathery exterior, but inside there somewhere is a funny dude who loves to partay like it’s 1979. We’ve just never met that guy yet, and we probly never will. Still, I saw him briefly tap a finger to this song once.

David Eckstein is the shortstop for the St. Louis Cardinals. He was voted by the fans as a starter in the 2005 All-Star Game.