An Open Letter to Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig
From: Marty Markowitz, President, The Borough of Brooklyn, New York

Dear Mr. Selig:

As I’m sure you know, bein as you are de, uh, high poobah of baseball, it’s tough to be a baseball fan in New York City deez days. Da Yankees, once the pride of our city’s baseball fans, just stink. There are no other words for it, your honor. Doze bums just stink. That is why I am asking you to contract da Stinkees before they do anything more to tarnish the legacy of our city’s great baseball traditions. I mean, are deez guys on the level of Jackie? Of Bobby Thompson? Of the Mick and Munson? I mean fuhgeddaboudit!

Once we have rid ourselves of duh Bronx Blowhards, I humbly propose that you ease our city’s baseball shame by moving the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim to da bestest borough of them all — dat’s right, Bud! Brooklyn! You see da symmetry in taking a team from La-La Land and putting them back in Brooklyn, right Bud? We have been without a team for too long. We the people of Brooklyn have suffered in humiliation and longing for nearly half a century. Please, your honor, deliver to us Vlad da Redeemer! I can assure you, you won’t regret it. Here, have an egg cream!

Mmmmmm, good, huh? YOU BET IT’S GOOD!

Thank you for listening,
Marty