The NBA is one of my favorite leagues, and I always have something to say about it. Maybe what I have to say isn’t always as “hip” and “insightful” as some of the hoops nerds around here (j/k guys LOL), but I like to think of my writing pieces as giving the regular woman’s perspective on sports. And there’s no one much more regular than me! (But only in terms of my digestion, because I’m not really normal at all. In fact, I’m kind of tall and rather witty, and people consider me — me, a skinny girl from LA who everyone made fun of! — one of the most beautiful and glamorous women in the world. But you know what I’m saying: two poops a day, every day!)

So, without further adoo, I’d like to write down some things that I think will happen in the NBA in 2006. Ready? I hope so — because you really have no choice!

1. The surprise team in the first half of the season has been the Detroit Pistons. Who would have thought that this collection of ragtag ne’er-do-wells would ever have been able to become the best team in the league? Who ever heard of this Chauncey Billups guy before? And isn’t Rasheed Wallace like a total dope-head? Who the hell is that guy in the mask? So I predict that the surprise team in the league for 2006 will be…drum roll please…the Detroit Pistons! They will continue to be good, even though their coach is a man named Flip. I know, I’m crazy — but that’s the way I see it.

2. I also think that this Ron Artest character (and what a character he is!) will end up on another basketball team before the year is out. Yeah, someone else will take a chance on this nutjob, who had the gall to say that he wanted to score more points for his team. I mean, I identify with him a little; heck, before America’s Next Top Model I was considered to be washed up…and I wasn’t even 30 yet! So Rappin’ Ron should host a hit TV show instead of starting a riot or whatever he did to be suspended by his team, the Indiana Pacers. But asking to be traded is the lowest of the low. No self-respecting person should ever give this man the time of day again. But they will, and he’ll soon disgrace another uniform, and the hard-working fans of whatever town or state roots for the team that wears it. So sad.

3. Shaq! Kobe! Shaq! Kobe! Shaq! Kobe! Will they meet in the finals? Probably! Because let’s be honest: the rivalry between these two former teammates is the only thing that true NBA fans care about. If David Stern knows what’s good for him — and of COURSE he does, he’s the pimpinest pimp in town, girlfriend! — he’ll figure out a way for Miami and the Lakers to go to seven games in the Finals. Hopefully, he’ll also make elbowing legal, and give Shaq permission to give Kobe a swirlie before game seven. Also, one of those Globetrotter “water” buckets full of confetti would be a nice touch.

4. Whatever happened to Yao Ming? All we ever heard about was how this big tall Chinese guy was going to save the NBA. He even made pretty funny commercials! But I watched the game the other night, and he wasn’t even on the court. It’s sad when a foreigner flames out like that. But that’s why they call it the NBA: No Babies Allowed! So that’s my prediction on that.

5. They should have a four-point “quad” shot from halfcourt, and a five-pointer (called a “quint”) if you can put it in from specially marked places on the floor. This might not happen in 2006, but maybe in the future.

6. Chris Webber’s leg will break in half like a wishbone at a soul food holiday gathering.

Some other stuff will happen, but I don’t know what it will be. What do I look like, a mind reader?

Tyra Banks is the host of “The Tyra Banks Show” and “America’s Next Top Model,” making her in some significant ways the Bob Saget of the Naughties.