Well, Sidney Ponson wasn’t going to stay a “Useless Pitcher” for long.

The rotund hurler was cut by the Baltimore Orioles recently, doubly plagued by his own ineffectiveness and volatile off-field demeanor. But the man with the million-dollar smile and the honorarily royal pedigree didn’t have to wait for television to come calling.

Ponson will star in a new syndicated action series, “Aruban Knights,” starting in January. This program centers on members of an elite police squad on the island nation of Aruba, all of whom work undercover at the country’s hottest night spot, The Round Table. Ponson, who will portray bouncer Ignacio “Nacho” Quintanilla, was knighted by Aruba for his services to baseball and to his homeland. “Aruban Knights” will also star David Faustino, Tia Carrere, and Blair Underwood.

Publicity photo of Sidney Ponson as “Nacho”: Getty/AFP

Simultaneously, Ponson will play himself in Bravo’s mock-reality show “Useless Pitcher,” about a pitcher trying to get back into the big leagues after getting dropped. This show, which owes a tip of the hat to HBO’s Kirstie Alley starrer “Fat Actress,” allows Ponson to gently mock himself for his habit of falling apart and losing his mechanics and having an ERA well over 6.00, and also having been released by the Orioles. Ponson’s co-stars in “Useless Pitcher”are Scott Baio, playing “Ponson”‘s agent, Drew Rosenberg (his running joke: humorously being hung up on, when others think he is controversial agent Drew Rosenhaus), Samantha Bee, and neighbor/possible love interest Vivica A. Fox.

In both shows, Ponson will receive visits and/or cameo appearances from his friends in the baseball world. Sammy Sosa is expected to be on Ponson’s shortlist, but no other names were available at press time.

Ponson released a statement, which reads partially like this: “Although I can no longer find it within my heart to throw a simple strike, or to keep balls from flying past me like I was Charlie Brown or something, I believe that these programs will show that I am a strong independent man with strong independent opinions, and also that I am very funny but also very serious.”