I have always been a fan of bold business management — or anti-management! So it should be no surprise that I am very interested in the business of baseball. Not only is it a very BIG business, but it’s also the national pastime. (Hot Dogs! Cracker Jacks! Bobble-head Dolls! I love it! Gimmicks, gimmicks, gimmicks!)
I’m always thrilled to see “new jacks” like Theo Epstein coming up with revolutionary new ideas. I loved it when they won the World Series in 2004. (So did their stockholders, and a whole lot of guys named Sully!) But business moves at the speed of light — or should I say at the speed of a Joel Zumaya fastball? — (I think I WILL say that.), and the Red Sox haven’t won anything for two years now…they’re out! Over! Done! Finito! Theo who?
So who are the new crazy chaos-friendly filibusters in MLB? The movers, the shakers, the go-to guys of our new modern hardball information age? Let’s check out three case studies; these franchises are pointing the way for the rest of the league. Don’t be surprised if they’re not the next three champs, of both the World Series AND the marketplace. (I know I won’t be! Surprised, that is.)
1: The Pittsburgh Pirates.
First of all, let’s start with the name: PIRATES. (Bandanas! Peg Legs! Scurvy! Friggin’ in the Riggin’! I love it!) (I really do.) This storied franchise debuted beautiful PNC Park in 2001 — it’s a stadium fit for a grand, colorful, tooth-missing pirate crew, and its like-minded blue-collar fans. (Lesson One: If You Build It, They Will Come!) Brilliant move, also, to incorporate a new color into the traditional yellow-and-black. That color? Red, natch. What better color for a blood-thirsty, plank-walk-forcing, keelhauling franchise? Forget those two boring colors that generations of Americans associate with the franchise — any company that is afraid to destroy its own branding efforts is a company that deserves to fail. (Lesson Two: Don’t Be Afraid to Blow It Up and Start Over!) And pirates never fail!
Well, except on the field sometimes. It’s true that the Bucs have not done all that well in the standings as of late. This irks some people who don’t see the big picture. (What is that big picture? Read on, I’m about to tell you.) The big picture, of course, is that Pittsburgh just isn’t a very big place, and the team doesn’t have very much money. (There’s a reason that the country’s biggest city has its most successful team! Namely, money! Cabbage! Benjamins! Sponduliks!) But they’re still operating at a modest profit, which a lot of bigger businesses — and teams — would kill to be able to say. (And if that isn’t the big picture, I’ll eat my own foot in a light cream sauce.)
And sure, lately, some nattering nabobs of negativity have carped and cavilled about how the team doesn’t really want to win. But come on, the Pirates are fine! Jason Bay is a great slugger, one of the top talents in the National League. You have last year’s batting champ, Freddy Sanchez, and up-and-comer Ronny “Hit and Run” Paulino on the same squad as uber-hustler Jack Wilson and fleet-of-foot Chris Duffy. Hurlers like Ian Snell and Tom Gorzelanny are developing into Cy Young darkhorses. Manager Jim Tracy will get a lot out of these young bargain-basement types, because that’s what he does best. (Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum for Cap’n Jim!) That’ll teach those nabobs!
2. The Kansas City Royals.
Even among people who don’t know anything about baseball, the Royals are somewhat of a national joke. (My four-year-old niece recently asked me, “Who’s the team in the pretty blue uniforms?” Hey, if you can’t penetrate the youth market, you might as well just give up trying to penetrate ANYTHING!) But let me just remind you about another horrible team from just a few years ago: the Detroit Tigers, who in 2003 almost lost more games than any team in history. Yet there the Tigers were last fall, playing in the World Series against St. Louis. ((So what if they completely imploded once they got there? Lesson Three: Spectacular Failure Is the New Success!)
So if history is any judge, Kansas City will be the best team in the AL in … about … another year! Better hop on that bandwagon now, my friends, because soon all the chubby kids will be taking up all the best hay bales and you’ll have to sit up front with the creepy horse driver guy.
The Royals were having a tough time until this year. But hey, wouldn’t you have a tough time if all your best players kept leaving to take other positions? Carlos Beltran jumped ship. Johnny Damon jumped ship. Andrew Sisco jumped ship. The Royals had to suffer through the public meltdown of their hot-shot whiz-bang young pitcher, Zack Greinke, although he appears to be on the comeback trail. In the business world, we call this “brain-bleed,” when all the best brains in an organization start to all bleed at once. And no one’s brain has bled more than baby-faced Royals GM Dayton Moore, a big-city guy with a small-town budget.
But look at the steps they’re taking now! Last winter, in a stunning coup, Moore stole superstar pitcher Gil Meche from AL West powerhouse Seattle. Take that, Jet City…and the rest of the American League! They have managed to hold onto sparkling, fresh-faced, light-skinned tyros like David DeJesus, Mark Teahen, Alex Gordon, and Ryan Shealy, who have shown that they are just as good as other players in the league, and maybe better. (Lesson Four: Build From Within, or Wither on the Vine and Die!)
But the team’s true masterstroke is the way they’re getting people into the park. Take a look, if you will, at the Royals’ inspiring promotional schedule. Three different Build-a-Bear Workshop nights! (That’ll penetrate for sure.) Cookie Rojas Bobblehead Day! A cooking clinic by the Royals’ Wives! (And some of them can certainly cook, if you know what I mean.) (And you probably do.) (What I’m saying is, they have big breasts.) With all this buzz, KC will soon be back in the catbird seat…and that’s the best seat in town.
3. The Philadelphia Phillies.
My intern, Jennifer Ochoa, is from Philadelphia. When she heard that I had chosen the Phillies for the third slot here, she snorted through her perky nose in an adorable manner. “The Phillies? Are you serious, Mr. Peters? They’re the worst-run team in all of professional sports, and that includes semi-pro leagues in Honduras where the losing coach gets all, like, sacrificed into a volcano and shit!”
I watched her guffaw her way into a frenzy that left her rolling around and gasping for breath on the floor, a fetching sight indeed. (Lesson Five: Surround Yourself With Youth, and Nubility!) Fire flashing in her onyx eyes, bosom heaving, Jennifer continued to list the franchise’s sins. “The Scott Rolen fiasco! The Bobby Abreu fiasco! The Ryan Howard / Jim Thome kerfuffle! Did they ever get anything for Plácido Polanco? How about how they waited forever to bring up Chase Utley, who even a blind man could see would tear up the league? What was with Ed Wade’s late-tenure fixation with giving massive contracts to crappy bullpen guys? They signed David Bell even though there is no constitutional amendment saying they had to! Jerry Manuel threatened to beat up a reporter the other day! ¡Nombre de DÃos, Wes Helms is our starting everyday third baseman!”
To which I could only reply, “But I have Ryan Howard on my fantasy team.”
She spat, “You got something else on your fantasies too, old man, but it ain’t worth it. Plus you know nothing about baseball, or about business either. I quit.” And away she flounced. (Lesson Six: Sometimes, They Flounce Away. Cry Piteously to Yourself for a Few Minutes, Then Move on With Your Life!)
So that didn’t end well. But I met Pat Gillick one time and I think he’s a real whiz-bang hot-shot. Phillies in 2010!
Tom Peters is a world-renowned business guru and the author of such classic tomes as In Search of Excellence, Thriving on Chaos, and The Pursuit of WOW!. He is currently looking for a new intern, hopefully in a women’s size 10.