You won’t find many players more devoted to education or helping the less fortunate than me. Through my Cam4Kids program, I have helped many inner city kids experience the joy of baseball, and have also built numerous ballparks in their neighborhoods so that they can pursue their Major League dreams. During the offseason, I still head out to Seattle to see some of the boys and girls that I’ve worked with in the past. They look up to me, and I don’t plan on betraying that confidence.

That’s why it’s particularly painful to get an email like this:

To: purplehaze@mets.com
From: ceverett@chisox.com
Cc: members@flat-earth.org
Subject: here they go again

Can you believe these “scientists”???

“MARS UPDATE

The Red Planet is about to be spectacular! This month and next, Earth is catching up with Mars in an encounter that will culminate in the closest approach between the two planets in recorded history. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287. Due to the way Jupiter’s gravity tugs on Mars and perturbs its orbit, astronomers can only be certain that Mars has not come this close to Earth in the Last 5,000 years, but it may be as long as 60,000 years before it happens again. The encounter will culminate on August 27th when Mars comes to within 34,649,589 miles of Earth and will be (next to the moon) the brightest object in the night sky. It will attain a magnitude of -2.9 and will appear 25.11 arc seconds wide. At a modest 75-power magnification, Mars will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye.

Mars will be easy to spot. At the beginning of August it will rise in the east at 10 p.m. and reach its azimuth at about 3 a.m. By the end of August, when the two planets are closest, Mars will rise at nightfall and reach its highest point in the sky at 12:30a.m. That’s pretty convenient to see something that no human being has seen in recorded history. So, mark your calendar at the beginning of August to see Mars grow progressively brighter and brighter throughout the month. Share this with your children and grandchildren.

NO ONE ALIVE TODAY WILL EVER SEE THIS AGAIN.”

-Carl
“Dinosaur fossils? God put those there to test our faith.” — Bill Hicks

I don’t really consider myself an expert when it comes to outer space, but when I heard this news about Mars coming close to Earth, I have to say I was a bit surprised that folks actually believed it. For one, if it’s true, where’s the panic? We have a planet coming close to Earth, and no one’s worried about what’s going to happen? Didn’t anyone see Armageddon or Deep Impact? Those were tiny little asteroids — this is a WHOLE PLANET we’re talking about!

But here’s the thing: no one is worried because it’s NOT TRUE. I’m not an outer space expert, but I have done some reading in my time. For instance, if Jupiter’s orbit affected Mars then the two planets would be sucked together by gravity and would explode. I haven’t seen any explosion. Have you? And don’t you think we’d AT LEAST see some of Mars’ rings that we hear so much about falling down into our atmosphere? When you think about it, this astrology stuff just doesn’t add up.

It’s hacks like Filip Bondy over at the New York Daily News that spread this sort of junk “science.” On Sunday, he quoted me as saying, “The sun has been there for 500, 600 years,” and then calls me “no great astronomer.” I’m not an astronomer Filip, I’m a New York Met Texas Ranger New York Met. But what are you? A writer that can’t even spell his name right!

And as for my quote, Mr. Bondy: why do you think they called them the Dark Ages?