Dear Aaron Rogers:

I am ten years old and I live in Arena Wisconson. I didnt like you at first becouse I really really liked Brett Favre. But he is gone and you are here so I guess I like you now. Plus you have done a good job sofar. Do you think a lot of peopl feel like I do or what.

Trevor G.

Trevor:

Thanks for your letter, little guy. I sure am glad I’m winning over young fans like you. At least I hope I am!

Even though your spelling needs a little help, you ask a good question. Yes, I think there are a lot of Packers fans out there like you — even though I’ve been on the team for two years before now, no one really knows much about me except that I can carry a mean clipboard LOL. I don’t blame you one bit, either. Brett Favre was — is — a great American hero, a true warrior, and a great guy to get to know. But let’s be honest here: I’m a pretty good guy myself, and I think I’m starting to prove that I’m a pretty good quarterback. After all, the Packers jettisoned the most beloved player in the history of the franchise…for me!

The thing is, Brett lost the locker room, and I won it. He had his own private dressing chamber — but I was right there playing grab-ass and swapping dirty stories with the offensive line for two years. In practice, it was all "hands off the MVP" — me, I took my lumps week in and week out, and the guys knew it. Favre went straight to ESPN and Sports Illustrated — I had to talk with every sub-literate reporter from every chicken-ass newspaper in the state. So when Favre said he was out, the guys were psyched, because I was one of them; when he said he was back in again, my posse had my back.

So, Trevor, I guess my main advice for you is: either be really really good at football, or get yourself a posse immediately. Or both, really, although isn’t Arena one of those midwestern hick towns where they play eight-a-side football or something? Yeah, better skip that step and go straight to the posse part. Do whatever you need to do: knife guys in the bathroom, pay ’em, sweet-talk ’em if you need to, whatever. Just make sure you build up a loyal gang of devoted followers and have them spread out behind you like a damn PHALANX whereever you go.

Honestly, that’s the best advice I have. Now scram, kid, I’m 2-0 and getting better all the time.

Sincerely,

Aaron Rodgers, with a d in it, like yo mama LOL.

Dear Aaron:

I love the way the Pack is shaping up this year, and especially how you are running the offense. There is only one thing wrong. No offense, but your name isn’t exactly a real grabber. You know what I mean? Should we come up with a nickname for you? If so, what do you think it should be?

T. Gustafson

Mr. or Ms. Gustafson:

I honestly could not say. One of the most respected rules of sports is to never give yourself your own nickname. Some of my teammates have called me some names over the years, most of which I can’t say here because they are ZOMG so inappropriate! And you can’t really do my first initial followed by first syllable of last name thing, because then I’m either A-Rod (taken) or A-Rodge (awful). I guess I’m mostly comfortable with Aaron or A.R., and even "Double A", all because of my name.

But then I was thinking — what if you take the two As from Aaron and the R from Rodgers to make "AaR," like a pirate? That’d be kind of excellent, except that Aaron "AaR" Rodgers doesn’t sound as cool as it looks. But I was liking this pirate theme, so I kept going with it: "Captain Blood" (not very child-friendly), "Captain Hook" (still not great, plus my hardest pattern to time), just plain old "The Pirate" (uh, no thanks).

And then it hit me. I think of myself as kind of a film buff, and I know my pirate movies. What about "Yellowbeard"? That’s a funny movie, dude — like when the one effed-up-eyes guy tries to bring that sheep on board the ship, like for sex? And the map tattooed on the other dude’s head and his dad, Yellowbeard, says "Won’t be first ‘ead I’ve eaten." And so on. That movie is for real awesome, and everyone will remember it. Plus a quarterback is kind of like a pirate anyway, all gun-slinging and swash-buckling and so on.

So you can just call me "Yellowbeard" if you want to. In fact, I’d kind of prefer that to "AaR" or "Aaron" or, y’know, "Mr. Rodgers," which just sucks. And they could do a whole cool thing on the Jumbotron when they introduce me, too, kind of a whole medley with all the times in the movie where people say "Yellowbeard," just one after another, and then they show the British dude who played Yellowbeard, and he’s all crazy-looking with candles burning in his beard…and then I walk out. And the crowd erupts like a volcano. And I take off my helmet…AND THERE ARE CANDLES BURNING IN MY BEARD.

Tell me that wouldn’t be dope. Haha, you can’t, because it WOULD be. Like, YouTube top ten dope! I gotta find the number of the liaison dude who works between the players and the stadium, make that happen.

Dear Aaron:

How would you describe your friendship with Brett Favre? Are you still in touch or not really?

Ms. G_______

P.S. My friend Jenni thinks you are hot. What is your status in that regard?

Wow, what a great pair of questions? Let’s take the first one first. Brett and I are kind of like — well, not exactly "frenemies," but more like Ricky Bobby and Cal Naughton Jr. in the great movie Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby . You ever see that one? He’s like Ricky Bobby, the successful guy whose success depends on everyone else around him helping him out, but he doesn’t necessarily understand or appreciate those people. And I’m like Cal, who is hungry for some kind of success that, frankly, he’s earned over the years. You can only slingshot another guy into the lead for so long before you want to "shake and bake" a little yourself. Know what I mean?

I also kinda feel for the guy’s family. I mean, he’s been promising them he’d retire for years, and now suddenly "the big switcheroo." It’s none of my business, but a lovely woman like Deanna, who has suffered so much and now has to go back to missing her husband with no one to watch over her…. That’s just a shame. Let’s just say I have a plan and leave it at that.

And as for your second question: what does Jenni look like? is my basic answer, if things don’t work out with Mrs. Ricky Bobby. Have Jenni’s people call my people.