Editor’s note: Colorado Rockies rookie Clint Barmes has been keeping a regular diary throughout the 2005 season. Earlier this month, he rejoined the team after three months on the disabled list with a broken clavicle. Continuing from Part II, published this past August, we are pleased to bring you further excerpts from the diary of this budding superstar.

September 1. WHOOOOOOPIIEEEE! I’m playing tomorrow and I can’t wait. I don’t think I could have taken another three months of answering phones and mailing letters. I want to get back to baseball. We’re playing the Dodgers tomorrow and Jeff Weaver is pitching — WOW! I bet I hit two tacos tomorrow in my first game back!

September 2. We won the game 11-3, I’m happy to say. I didn’t hit any homers, but Todd [Helton] hit two and Garrett [Atkins] hit one. Actually, I didn’t have a good game at all. I went 0-5 but I think I have a good excuse for it. I showed up to the ballpark nice and early and went to my locker. It was no longer there! One of the new September call-ups had taken it. Well, I figured they must have moved mine but I looked all over the clubhouse and it was nowhere! I went to talk to Joe [Diaz, Rockies director of clubhouse operations] to ask him what was going on, and once I reminded him who I was, he said, “sorry kid, but you weren’t here, and we had to make space for the new call-ups. Let me see what I can do, Clift [sic, he said my name wrong!], but with all these new rookies joining the club a couple of days ago, we’re a little pressed for space”.

As it turned out, they were all out of lockers and the only place where I could get a locker was the visitors clubhouse. Fortunately, Kurt [Schlogl, visiting clubhouse manager] is a swell guy and he found me a locker lickety-split. It’s only about half the size of the one I used to have and is way off in the corner away from the other players, but it’s obviously better than nothing. When the Dodgers saw me hanging out in their clubhouse, they were certain that the Rockies were playing a trick on them. I told them my story about losing my locker but they didn’t believe me. Jeff Kent took me aside and said that if I was lying, he’d find me the next time we played in LA, throw me in his truck, and wash my mouth out with soap. I told him I was telling the truth and that he shouldn’t be so cranky about the whole thing.

As you can imagine, it was a freaky day and because of all the craziness I was having trouble concentrating at the plate so that’s why I went 0-5. Tomorrow is another day, though!

September 9. We played the Diamondbacks today and they squished us 7-1. I went 0-5 and have only three hits since coming back. But I was really distracted again today. After batting practice, the DBacks returned to the clubhouse and a few of them found applesauce and rotten tomatoes in their gym bags. They were furious! Luis Gonzalez, who always seems like such a pleasant guy when I see him interviewed on TV, threw me up against my locker and said that he knew I was behind this and if I didn’t fess up then my life would be a miserable hellhole as long as his team was in town. Imagine having to go out and play a game after listening to that sort of talk! I told him that I had nothing to do with it and neither did any of the other Rockies, but he didn’t get any less angry.

After the game, I returned to my locker and found … well, let’s just say that somebody had left something in my bag that should have been left in a toilet. Yuck!! I have no idea who would do such a thing but I didn’t want to raise a stink about it because things are uncomfortable enough as it is around the clubhouse. I went to get my clothes washed, but the laundry guys said cleaning stuff like that isn’t in their contract, so it looks like I’ll have to buy new uniforms.

September 11. Today was not fun at all, even though I got two hits. The DBacks think they’re still in the pennant race, so there wasn’t a happy mood in the clubhouse when we beat them 7-2. They were using lots of swear words and saying how embarrassing it was to lose to our team. They didn’t mention me by name so I figured it was a good time to get out while the getting was good. I figured that if I took off while the guys were in the showers, I could get away without many people noticing and then there wouldn’t be any trouble. I was almost out the door when I heard a bunch of screaming from the shower area. The next thing I knew, about five of the Diamondbacks had grabbed me and accused me of turning off all the hot water in their showers.

“Cut the crap, Barmes” said Craig Counsell, who always seems like such a short person when I see him on TV. “I’ve won two World Series and you haven’t won shit. I’ve seen it all and you haven’t seen fuckall in the major leagues. So don’t play dumb, because I know a trick when I see it. Only somebody in the Rockies organization would have access to the hot water supply. As soon as our boys hit the showers, you made a phone call to one of your Mile High buttbuddies to tell them to turn off the hot water. Then you tried to hightail your bitch ass out of here so we wouldn’t catch you. Now fess up, asswipe, before I really get angry.”

“YEAH!” shouted Brandon Webb, pointing a long, bony finger in my face. I thought that Webb would have some sympathy for me and help to diffuse the uncomfortable situation, since he almost won the Rookie of the Year award a couple of years ago and I might win it this year. I figured he still remembered how it felt to be a rookie in the big leagues. I must have been wrong.

I swore to them that I didn’t have any idea what was going on. I told them that I just wanted to go home to take a shower and watch the nightly rerun of “Jerry Springer”. “What a load of bull!” exclaimed Brad Halsey (another rookie, I was shocked that he was allowed to talk like that around the vets on his team. Golly!), “he’s spying on us!”. Finally, they started to believe me and let me go. However, I got to my car and found several baseball-sized dents in the sides. Also, the drivers seat was covered in that icky mud that the umps use for wiping the baseballs before the games. I guess the Diamondbacks hadn’t believed my story after all. And I’d just gotten this car fixed after the pinball machine collapse four months ago. So I had to drive home sitting in the gooey muck. The mud was cold and a bit gross at first but eventually it warmed up and I made it home OK. I pretended like I was competing in one of those “Fear Factor”episodes where they have to stay covered in spiders and worm goo for five minutes, except in my case it was baseball mud. The worst part of it is that we have to play the Diamondbacks again next week! I’m not looking forward to seeing those guys again, let me tell you.

September 20. During this homestand I’ve been trying to figure out who’s responsible for all these strange happenings in the visitors clubhouse. I asked Kurt [Schlogl, visiting clubhouse manager] what the deal was with the hot water last week when Arizona was here, but he just laughed and walked away. Well duh, I guess it was funny for anyone who wasn’t showering at the time, but it still didn’t answer my question. He was laughing so hard that I didn’t get to ask him whether he’d heard anything about possibly getting me back my old locker in our team’s clubhouse.

Later that night, we beat the Padres 20-1. I had my best game since returning and got three hits. Can you believe it? The Padres are going to make the playoffs and we beat them 20-1. That means we’re 20 times better than they are! We should be in the playoffs instead of them!

I was very happy and walked into the clubhouse smiling and jumping for joy. When I got to my locker, the Padres were all staring at me in dead silence. It was eerie. Suddenly, Ryan Klesko got up and threw a stool against the wall. It bounced off the wall harmlessly and Klesko fell down clutching his back. While a bunch of the Padres went to see if he was OK, Jake Peavy approached me, gripping a baseball tightly in his hand.

“Listen to me very carefully”, he said while holding the baseball a few inches from my face. “I’m pitching tomorrow, and you’d better — shall we say — cooperate with me when you’re at the plate. If you get on base even once, then so help me, you’ll be wearing this baseball after tomorrow’s game because it will be permanently implanted in your ass. Kapische?”. I was surprised that Peavy would talk to me that way — after all, he’s younger than me! But with the rest of the Padres backing him up, I was a bit scared. It’s tough to concentrate on hitting with all this pressure! It would be a lot more relaxing for me if I could get my old locker back.

September 25. I’m not playing very well at all. I only have three hits since the night that Peavy threatened me. Every time I walk into the clubhouse, I’m worried that somebody will blame me for something. Still no word on who did all that stuff to the Dodgers and Diamondbacks. This morning, I snuck into the Rockies clubhouse and started asking a lot more questions. Everybody just kinda laughed it off and said that they’d see me on the field later. Finally, I went back into the visitors clubhouse to get my glove and found that it had been stuffed with yogurt and week-old mashed potatoes. There was a note pinned to the glove that said “Hey rook, this is what happens when you ask too many questions”. This isn’t fair — they were supposed to stop using the yogurt. We agreed on that months ago!

I don’t even know how they (whoever “they” are) found my stuff because my locker got moved again once the Giants came to town. My locker had been in this isolated corner away from the others but apparently that’s the spot Barry Bonds always uses when he comes to Colorado. They removed my locker and brought in a big, fancy locker just for him. My locker was moved into the hallway next to the laundry room. It’s not so convenient but it’s just for this series so I can live with it. I asked the Giants travelling secretary if he could get me Mr. Bonds’ autograph, you know, in exchange for giving up my space (I was too afraid to approach Mr. Bonds myself. A guy as successful as him doesn’t really have time for rookies). He said he’d get to work on it right away. That was a couple of days ago, and I haven’t heard back from him yet. Hopefully he didn’t forget.

With all these things on my mind, it’s no wonder that I went 0-4 tonight. Life in the big leagues seemed so easy when I was hitting .400. Now that I’m hitting like .200 in the month of September, I’ve realized how difficult it can be! Most people wouldn’t want to end the season with a seven-day road trip, but not me. I’m tired of changing in the visitor’s clubhouse! Next year, if I make the team, I really hope I can get my old locker back. Yeah, that would be much better.