Hair of the Card

So Mr. T – he wanted me to call him Mr. T – came in at about 11:00. I didn’t really recognize him at first, but it didn’t matter. The guy announced himself when he came in, three sheets and all. “Attention, all you Palm Beachers. My name is Tony LaRussa, manager of the World […]

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A Grizzled Man

Barry Bonds is a force of nature, an atavistic beast of sensation. He is alpha and omega, Cain and Abel, the killer and the victim. He wields a carven piece of maple the way a tornado would nonchalantly dismiss an Oklahoman trailer park. Though he no longer possesses the speed he once did, he still […]

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¡Lissen Up Culeros, Los Astros Will Be Shampions!

Hokay, puto-necks. Some vasevall nerds say my Houston Astros ain’t a bery good team this year. That is pretty much all ju need to know about vaseball nerds right there. Do none of ju remember that they were in da playoffs the last two jears? Come on, mang, what is this bullchit? Look. Ju know […]

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We Are Who Ozzie Thought We Are

OK, this is the only time I’m going to say this, unless you ask me again, and then you’re going to get a little Ozzie in your life where you didn’t think it’d fit. That (garbage)head Steve Phillips and his (garbage)-eating grin know this. That no-good redneck Brandon McCarthy and his big as (stuff) head […]

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All Forces of the People — For the Demolition of the Enemy!

Comrades! Citizens! Brothers and sisters! Men and women of the Badger State! I am addressing you, my friends! In spite of the heroic resistance of our beloved Brewers, the St. Louis Cardinals won the division last year. It is no consolation to note that they went on to win the World Series, thereby negating the […]

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Tangled Up In Royal Blue

I can’t believe I’ve been here for almost 12 years. It’s all I can do to go into work sometimes. I mean, if it weren’t for the things that I hated about my job, it would be the greatest job in the world, right? In that sense, I’m no different than anyone else. I’m just […]

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The Wreck of the ’93 Champs

The legend lives on from all over Hogtown Of the team called the ’93 Blue Jays That team they all said, never give them up for dead Once the Grapefruit League skies shine their sun rays With steely-eyed dudes like Molitor and Olerud They were quite a force to be reckoned With Cito at the […]

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On Being a Tough Guy. A Regular Guy. And a Dodgers Fan.

I was born in Chicago but I don’t like the White Sox or the Cubs. You know why? F*ck you, that’s why. I also live in New England part of the year but I am not a Red Sox fan. Two reasons. First, they are no longer the Jews of baseball. Second, their fans are […]

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