Okay you weak-kneed lily-livered weenosauri, it’s go time. Specifically, it’s time for YOU to go — down, that is. To me. In fantasy baseball.

Here’s the poop, garbage-eaters. We’re rocking a new kind of fantasy ball this year — any butt-reamin’ keanu can pick good players, but we’re after those who can select the worst duderz in the MLB. Yahoo! has a “Hall of Shame” game, where you fill your team with the crappiest hitters and pitchers in baseball. (It’s kind of like HACKING MASS, except there’s a draft, and we’re gonna talk more smack than a whole convention full of junkies.) (Plus we’re guessing none of those fancy lads and lasses have the guts to sign up for our league.) (That’s right, Will Carroll, I’m talkin’ about you.)

So far, I’ve been setting up some kick-ass categories for hitters. Every strikeout gets you two points; every walk loses you two. Errors give you lots of points; homers lose you lots of points. It’s like that. Pitchers rack ’em up the opposite way for Ks and BBs; wins are bad, while losses, balks and gopher balls are gold. Wanna know more? Sign up.

How? Check it. If you don’t have an account on Yahoo! Fantasy Sports, get one. If you do, click on Baseball ’07 — we rock the free league because MAKING PEOPLE PAY FOR FANTASY BASEBALL IS TORO MERDE — and then “join custom league.” Our league number is 266106, and our password is oopsie. We will only allow 20 people into our league, and there’s already a bunch of us in, so act fast.

Also: this is a serious league for high rollers, so the draft is Next Saturday Night at 10:45 p.m. Central Daylight Time. (That means that if you’re an East Coast snob, it’s 11:45, if you’re in Pacific Time it’s 8:45, and if you’re in Mountain Time MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL.) If you can’t be there at the draft, then grow a pair — NOT a gender-specific statement — and make the time. What, you have something BETTER to do than worship at the church of baseball? Damn, son and/or daughter, why don’t you just go bury your head in the ground and grow upside down like an onion, or pay attention to football, or something stupid like that, okay? Seriously, people.

Okay, that’s all the ammo you need. I got all I need right here: right between my earholes.

Spartacus once dissed 50 Cent. TO HIS FACE. And suffered no retribution.