L-R: Joel Zumaya (my roomie!), a forthcoming woman who requested to perform various acts upon me (I politely declined), myself.
Ciao,
What can I say? As I sit in the breakfast nook of my parents’ Chicago home and await the arrival of my Italian and Dutch tutors, I would like to express that I am both honored and humbled to represent Major League Baseball as part of its ambassador program. It is my desire to make all of Major League Baseball, as well as my parents and neighborhood elders, proud.
Some bloggers and members of the media have suggested that my selection was sealed by the nationally televised banter between St. Louis’ fans and myself as I stood in the on-deck circle during the World Series. I assure you it wasn’t much. The citizens of St. Louis were wonderful hosts, and those who were in the stands appeared to be particularly cold that evening, so I merely offered some of the scarves, beanies, and sweaters I had spent making earlier that day. I had also made some hot cocoa in the clubhouse and offered to retrieve some of that as well. We all know how pricey a trip to the concession stand can be!
While I have yet to be briefed on the specifics of my ambassadorial duties, I am aware that I will be conducting clinics in Holland, Italy, and England. I hope to impart some of the knowledge and wisdom I’ve gathered through playing for such wonderful coaches as Mike Dee (at the University of Illinois at Chicago) and Jim Leyland (the Tigers!). My initial topics will be “Baseball: A Game of Inches,” “Don’t Think, Have Fun,” and “Hitting Leadoff Because No One Else on Your Team Is Remotely Capable.” At this point, everything else is up in the air.
The process hasn’t even begun yet, and it’s already yielding dividends I could have never imagined prior to lacing up my spikes for the first time in 2006. I just received a fax from one of my idols, comedian Chris Rock, signed, “You speak so well.” Ha ha! He’s too kind. And Wal-Mart has already called to inform me that they’ll be shipping 3000 pairs of their comfortable off-brand velcro shoes — just like the ones I sport! — to the places I’ll be visiting. Also, I had the good fortune of scoring yet another sealed box of Sharkleberry Fin Kool-Aid packets off eBay. My mom will be placing it in the first of several care packages, just so I won’t get too homesick.
In closing, I would also like to take this opportunity to clear up one particular matter. The field conditions played no role in the outfield double hit by the great David Eckstein during game four of this past World Series. I got a bad jump. It was completely my fault and I have no excuses. It’s as simple as that. The St. Louis groundskeepers are some of the best in the business. They were instrumental in ensuring that the playing conditions were optimal throughout the entire series, so I could only feel bad whenever the fans and media spoke of bad luck and soggy turf. As a result, I had no other choice but to fly back to St. Louis and take the groundskeepers out to dinner. It was the least I could do. So, hats off to them — as well as the great David Eckstein and the remainder of the St. Louis Cardinals, of course.
On that note, cheers!
Curtis
Craig Gunderson plays left field for the Detroit Tigers.