What up, Internet world?  This here’s former Major League Baseball superstar Derek Bell  coming to you LIVE from some place in my life I’d rather not talk about.  Let’s just say that, ever since Major League Baseball was able to fulfill their one-sided vendetta against an outspoken and supremely talented black man, life decided to treat yours truly like a rubber chicken in a KFC fryer.  But I’m all about looking past the negativity and getting things going in forward motion, so all you fans out there that remember my potent mix of power and speed don’t have to worry about Derek Bell finding his feet in the near future.  And all you ivory tower bloggers getting your jealous kicks at the misfortune of another more athletic person than yourselves, I hope y’all got yourself a ticket on the karma train, and not in front of the karma train.  And that’s all I’m saying about that.  Choo-choo, haters.

I’m here today to talk to the Internet world about a little thing that some folks might’ve forgotten about these days, what with reality TV and video games and DVDs getting all up in people’s minds.  I’m talking about disrespect, and how there’s a whole lot of it going around.  It’s like a case of the clap, but with real consequences.  You see, I’m an expert on disrespect, because it got served to me nice and cold when I was slumming it with the Pittsburgh Pirate.  There I was in the prime of my career, ready to contribute my veteran presence once again to an up-and-coming group of Pirate contenders.  And they have the stone-cold balls to tell me that I wasn’t going to start in the outfield.  It goes without saying, but that’s some bullshit.  I’m not some rookie or washed-up old clown — I’m Derek Bell, a lifetime .276 hitter and a charter member of the 20/20 Club.  As the world knows, that’s what began Operation: Shutdown and my exit from baseball.  And now, when anyone thinks of Derek Bell, they think of Operation: Shutdown, and ain’t no one taking that away from me.

So when I heard that Texas was trying to make their high-paid All Star shortstop Michael Young move over to third base, I knew I had to break my media silence and speak my mind on this issue.  First of all — Michael, if you’re out there reading this, I am here for you.  I respect your struggle, because I fought that struggle for you, and everyone like you, back in the day.  I made my stand, just like Jackie Robinson did almost 40 years earlier.  And even if I didn’t win, I fought, and I fought hard.  And that’s what you gotta do, Michael.  You gotta fight for your rights.  It ain’t a matter of money, though just a bit of that sixteen million you’re getting would be doing me, myself, and I a whole lot of good right now.  But I said it ain’t a matter of money.  It’s a matter of a little somethin’ somethin’ Hall of Famer Aretha Franklin called P-R-I-D-E — it’s a five-letter word for most, but for those penny-pinchers that make all the moves and destroy careers, it’s got four letters.

First of all, you don’t let them tell you what to do.  Who’s the boss of Michael Young: the people that sign your paychecks, or the person that you spend every waking hour of the day with whose name is Michael Young?  And if you don’t know the answer to that, you’d might as well not even ask the question.  People let things like money and contracts and legal obligations dictate what they do in life.  Well, look at that word "obligations" — it’s got "oblige" up in it right there, if you spell it right.  And a right-minded person with any bit of backbone ain’t obliged to do a damn thing they don’t wanna do.  It’s one thing if they came to you as the leader of your team and oldest starter and they asked you pretty-please to maybe think about moving over, especially if they got someone like Derek Jeter or Omar Vizquel to take over.  It’s a totally different issue if they’re TELLING YOU to move your ass over, and then to move it for some 20-year-old know-nothing that hasn’t paid his dues … who the hell do they think they are? Batman?

When a team tries to pull that sort of stunt on you, you know it’s only a matter of time before you’re out the door.  Look how the Baltimore Orioles treated their best player of all time ever Cal Ripken Jr. In 1997, they made him move off of shortstop for some kid, and just a few years later, boom, he’s out of baseball.  You give these suits an inch, they’ll take the whole damn ruler and shove it up your unmentionables.  First they ask you to move over for some kid.  Then they ask you to move down in the batting order for some fancy free-agent signing.  Then they ask you to sit on the bench, just for a couple of games, just because you’re in a 2-for-40 slump.  Then the reporter from some backward inbred tabloid starts asking about why you ain’t playing no more while everyone else is getting the sexy good press.  Then all that gets in your head, and it starts messing with your 20/20 game.  And pretty soon you’re riding the pine in your own living room, wondering what happened to your life, watching as those million dollar checks pile up with nothing to show for it.  And after that, you’re out on the street, hat in hand, wandering the streets like one of the Cosby kids, begging all sorts of clowns for a chance to do your thing.  And then you end up looking all fine in some Nelly video like GOD DAMN Rudy Huxtable what they put in your Fruity Pebbles?  Except you don’t.

Don’t not think that pride doesn’t come with a price, Michael Young and all you other Michael Youngs out there.  You draw that line in the sand, you better make sure it ain’t gonna rain on your parade, unless you got a bird in the hand and a smoking gun to point at all those suckers.  Protect your neck, your chest, and any other bits of you that might be vulnerable to those slings and arrows and whatnot.  Because, sooner or later, you’re going to end up in a place where they want you, and you don’t want to be there.  You want to be where you want to be.  Because if you ain’t there, you ain’t anywhere.  Take it from me, Derek B.  And that’s all that.  Keep it real, America.

Former MLB outfielder / pitcher Derek Bell is tied for 477th place in career home runs with seven other players, including former All-Star Carlos Baerga.