The Colorado Rockies’ season sure is looking rocky. I’ve seen better-looking teams at the ugly farm.

Some might say the only way to go from here is up, but they haven’t watched the Colorado Rockies. The only way to go is down — to hell.

Because it’s hell trying to watch the Colorado Rockies play.

Instead I went to the movies this weekend and saw this flick called Funny Ha Ha. There are three things wrong with that title. First, it’s not funny. Two, I didn’t go “ha ha” once.

So there are two things wrong with that title.

And there’s one thing wrong with your head if you go see it — you are crazy! So don’t see Funny Ha Ha unless you are crazy. I bet Mariotti saw it!

That Pedro-Mulder game wasn’t the pitcher’s duel everyone thought it would be. It was really a pitcher’s fool because we sure were fooled! Not me though. I went to see Funny Ha Ha.

Take a Paige from my book and don’t see it.

Tonight this kid from the Padres named Tim Stauffer makes his second pitching debut. He looked really good in his first debut, and my gut tells me this kid will be great.

Take a Paige from my book and watch it — with strippers.

Sorry to everyone who got in trouble at work when they read this because my column made you laugh too loud. I guess that’s why they call them occupational ha-hazzards. Oops! Did it again!

Woody Paige appears on ESPN’s Cold Pizza and Around the Horn. He is also a columnist for the Denver Post.