Wow, that was a close one! I was watching last night’s Japan / Korea game with a bunch of folks from the team and my boy Buck Martinez, and man! That was really tense! I was even sweating a bit! You know that weird sweat you get sometimes when you’re not doing anything, but then you lift your arm, and you feel it sorta trickle down from your armpit, down the side of your chest? Yeah, like that. Jetes got some of that, too.

By the way, all you folks in Boston that badmouth Jetes because he’s a Yankee – you should really get to know the guy before you start talking smack about him. I’ve only been on his team for a few weeks, but already I can see why folks in New York think he’s such a great leader and ballplayer. It’s because he IS a great leader and ballplayer. And those types are rare. So all you dudes with your JETER SUCKS A-ROD shirts should stop & think the next time you pull that sort of junk. You know who’s a fan of Jetes, Boston? A guy by the name of Jason “V-Tek” Varitek. And that’s all I’m gonna say.

Anyway – yeah, man – phew! Because, y’know, if Japan won, then the US was done. And this is some serious stuff now! The USA! Home of baseball! Ambassadors of baseball! Bounced from our own tourney! That would’ve seriously sucked! Now, though, thanks to Korea (yeah boy!) we get a chance to prove folks wrong about us, and about Americans too.

I read some of Michael Barrett’s great article about us and that really lame loss to Korea (I mean, they’re a good team and all, and thanks for beating Japan, guys, but, come on, it’s Korea), and that stuff he said about folks giving us junk because we were losing – that just ain’t right. Regular folks are mostly great fans, but some of them just don’t get it. Baseball’s a real tough sport, even for guys like us that are really good at it.

I mean, think about 2003 – the Red Sox had it won against the Yankees, but the Yankees came back. Same in 2004 – we were dead meat, but we came back and won. It happens. On any given Sunday, or any day, anyone can win, if they can fight for those inches, whether they’re near the foul line or in the back of the batter’s box or on the black of the plate. Except for South Africa. I don’t want to say anything bad about them, because, y’know, folks might think I’m being “insensitive” or “racist,” but I think even the Royals could beat them up something ugly.

Just because we’re making errors and not pitching well doesn’t mean we’re not trying. If you think about it, this is like our Spring Training – you can’t expect all of us to be prepared for actual games. Sure, foreign teams like Cuba & the Dominican Republic, they’re playing baseball year round, because that’s what they do. Because it doesn’t snow down there. In America, though, you can’t play baseball in November or December. That’s why the season only lasts from April to October.

Sorry, folks, but players can’t control the weather. If I could, you know it’d be nice and sunny every single day, so kids could play outside and folks could be happy while working their dead-end jobs, and I’d be driving my really nice Ferrari Spider all over the place with the top down and my really gorgeous beautiful (and hot!) wife Michelle sitting next to me, and it’d be so awesome. Hell yeah.

But, y’know, the way things are, they ain’t so bad. Yeah, my shoulder’s all kinda messed up now, but I can still help us win. I don’t have knee or leg tendonitis, so I can still run the bases and cause havoc like that. And I’d like to think that my veteran presence in the dugout can help some of the youngsters on our team chill out a bit. After all, it’s just a game. And it’s not even a real game, though it’s still real important.

Anyway, I’m just glad I can help us beat whoever we have next. I think it’s Mexico. That should be pretty easy – no one plays baseball in Mexico. I mean no one REALLY plays baseball down there. No one that’s any good, anyway. I couldn’t even tell you who’s on their team, but it’s cool. All I need to know is that we’re supposed to beat whoever’s not wearing the same uniform that I’m wearing. I don’t care if it’s the Red Sox or Chinese Taipei or whoever – if they’re not on my team, then I’m gonna make sure they don’t win. And that’s what baseball is all about. And that’s what America is all about. And America’s gonna make you proud, folks! Just you wait!