ed: Due to his responsibilities as a member of E$PN’s playoff broadcast team, Mike Piazza was unable to write his regular “Political Soapbox” column. Piazza will return to his regular schedule following the playoffs.

Hey, fans. Joe Morgan here. You know, putting together a Supreme Court is a lot like putting together a baseball team. Since Mike Piazza asked me to fill in for him here on Yard Work, I figured I’d take a look at the Roberts Court as if it were a batting order. Hope you like it!

1. Antonin Scalia: Now, I don’t wanna stereotype here, folks, but the thing about the Italians, and you know this, is that they’re wily. They’re sneaky. They’re confident. They’re sure of themselves. These are the qualities you want in a leadoff hitter. Tony Scalia isn’t going to worry about whether that pitch is too low. He’s going to just slap it into the gap right by those liberals every time.

2. David Souter: Look at a guy like Souter – he’s taken so many positions in his career, you don’t know what angle he’s going to hit it back at you! He’s kind of like the ultimate switch-hitter, you know? You ask any manager, they’ll tell you they plug a guy with that kind of versatility right in the ol’ two-hole. That’s a fact.

3. Clarence Thomas: Clarence Thomas has classic doubles power. He’s not a great hitter, but he’s a mistake hitter. Mistake hitters hit mistake pitches. And Clarence Thomas will make a pitcher pay for his mistakes.

4. John Roberts: You want your Chief Justice cleaning up. He’s the engine that really drives the motor of the legal system in this country, and he’s got to be the linchpin of your order. I’ll tell you, too. John Roberts can really hit a hanging curveball a mile. See, a hanging curveball hangs – rather than drop down to the hitter’s knees, it stays up in the zone, about yay-high. When you pitch a ball like that to an experienced barrister like John Roberts, you’re in for a world of trouble. Just like David Wells the other night!

5. Stephen Breyer: Now even though Stephen Breyer’s from Oakland, he knows how to steal a base, which is a remarkable thing to have in a #5 hitter. If I’m managing this team, I have to think long and hard about moving him up in the order if we’re facing a righty. Because if Stephen Breyer catches a righty offguard, he’s heading right for second base. Now if he hits second, it’s the responsibility of the next man up to move him over to third to set up for the sac fly or the suicide squeeze – just like it’s Stephen Breyer’s responsibility as the junior justice to get John Roberts his coffee every morning. That’s the level of respect this team shows a rookie like Breyer. He’s only 67, and he’s got a bright future ahead of him.

6. Anthony Kennedy: And fortunately for Steve Breyer, Anthony Kennedy is one of this great nation’s best at doing the little things – advancing the runner over, hitting the sac fly, getting the productive out. Kennedy’s like a big old bear running the basepaths, but that’s fine for him, because #6 hitters don’t need to steal bases. #6 hitters are responsible for adding a little punch to the heart of the order. If a #6 hitter strikes out, you’re going to pat him on the ass and tell him he did a good job, because he made the pitcher realize that there’s more to a lineup than the 3-4-5 guys. Anthony Kennedy makes people forget all about Robert Bork, but most of all he adds depth to this lineup where it matters.

7. John Paul Stevens: Stevens may be getting old, but he’s got a lot of heart. You can’t put a price on teamwork, and you definitely can’t underrate experience when it comes to baseball. I remember back in ’83, he threw a hell of a lateral to Byron White and gave Sandra Day O’Connor the meanest forearm to the throat I’ve ever seen during a friendly game of two-hand touch at Judicial Branch Field Days. So down goes Sandy, coughing up blood, and ol’ Whizzer does the Heisman pose over her prone body and runs it in for the touchdown. You think Stevens isn’t going to be the anchor of the Supreme Court infield? In Washington, I hear they call him “Johnny Hustle.”

8. Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Now, ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg got that hip replaced, she’s been pretty slow in the field. You’ve got a couple options – you can either DH her, or you can stick her out in right. It really depends on a number of factors. She runs like George Foster out there, but that’s okay. She plays the game the way it was meant to be played. Pretty good for a #8 hitter.

9. Harriet Miers: Okay. You’re picking a Supreme Court justice. You know that your preferred candidate isn’t a top 100 jurist. But she’s got guts, right? She’s got ethics, right? You don’t worry about whether she’s the most ethical or most intelligent candidate out there. You want someone who has intangibles. Someone’s whose a capital “T” Team player. You want someone who’ll defer to the vets by passing on the opinions in the Court. And that’s what Miers brings. She brings the humility while still maintaining pit-bull strength against the defense.

And that’s why I support President Bush’s nomination of Harriet Miers to be the next Supreme Court Justice of the United States.