I hope you’re drinking something cool and have plenty of suntan lotion available, because, as you know by now, I totally burned you with my postseason picks article. By picking just about everything correctly, I think I’ve pretty much solidified my standing as The Only Pundit That Matters around here. (Notice that no one else even tried? Isn’t it sad that I’m the only one around here with the brass ones?)

Despite my HUGE triumph, I’ve gotten some emails from some nattering nabobs of negativity about the couple that I didn’t get right. I don’t have a lot of time here, but let me just dispense with these jokers right away. First of all, it is true that I said that the Giants would beat the Padres. While, technically, they didn’t, I think I still get a pass on this one. Why? Because there’s something kinda hinky about the whole shebang. Notice how the Giants were winning that second game until J.T. Snow’s suspicious Buckner-style error? Think someone made a call to someone? I’m just saying that this is one of those thangz that makes Spart-Diggity-Dawg go hmmmmm.

(Oh, and congrats to me for correctly calling the Astros as the Wild Card.)

In the Liga Americana, I nailed the three division leaders, no surprises there. I guess I’ll have to have a tiny helping of crow for saying that the Cleveland Native Americans would be the WC pick and then win two playoff series…OR DO I? I know a lot of youze are kind of new to all this, but take a closer look at the stats of that final series. The Indians actually WON in a lot of the categories that us numberheads deem important. Check it: in Saturday’s game, Ronnie Belliard is up with the bases loaded, one out, down by one. Do you have any idea what the Win Shares was for that at-bat? I won’t even dazzle you with my math — just trust me that it’s so high a number that Cleveland actually won the game. The fact that Belliard popped out: IRRELEVANT.

And notice that they “lost” four one-run games in that last week. You don’t have to be a top sabermetrician like me to understand what that means: Everybody with even a mammalian brainstem KNOWS that one-run losses don’t really even count as losses. Unless you are some kind of troglodyte mouthbreather, and/or Joe Morgan, one-run games are just luck, plain dumb luck. In fact, it can be argued that the Indians did in fact win those games, and are now actually IN the playoffs over the overrated Idiot Sox (but much respect due to reggaeton star David Ortiz anyway). Just not in so-called “reality,” which as we know, is quite the concept. So, y’know, I win and you lose, again.

I still think that the Cardinals will beat the Indians, or whoever actually makes it into the World Series, 4-1. And you can take THAT to the bank. Except don’t, if you have a certified gambling problem. (Spart-Nice: looking out for ya since 2002.) Okay, I’m out like a jheri curl activist.

“Spartacus” is a noted sabermetrician. His website, www.baseballisagameofnumbersyoumorons.com, gets hundreds of hits a month.