Dag, y’all, has this been a boring baseball season so far or what? Everything is falling into place, just as I thought it would. Utley and Hamilton, leading their leagues in tacos largos? CALLED IT, knew it, locked ’em both up with my first two picks in every league. Cliff Lee, best pitcher in the majors? NAILED IT, took him before any overrated Santana or Hernandez action. Edison Volquez, who is arguably better? NOSTRADAMUSED IT, knew I could snag him with my last pick in every single draft and did so. Cubs and Rays in first on June 1? DUH, got it in my lockbox for anyone to see. (Email me for password, and therefore proof.)

As for the other so-called controversies — come on, duderz, if you think the “issue” of instant replay on homers is even worth talking about, then you are a small small man inside and out. I know YOU all know where I stand on THAT one. Yankees in last place? Um, obviously they were going to have pitching problems, holes in the lineup, overhyped young manager, meddling boss, easy as an all-day pass in Bangkok Boys’ Town. Anyone shocked by the sudden power outage on the “new, slimmer Pudge”? Yeah, me neither, wink wink. Whatever else has been going on, I already knew it; yawn, ho-hum, so sleepy. My algorithms this year are as right on as a red traffic light.

Some ask me if it gets boring, knowing every single thing that is going to happen all year long in virtually every situation, just based on my superior knowledge of mathematics and baseball. Well, I guess you’d just have to refer that question to a certain Dr. Jonathan Osterman, wouldn’t you? Like the good Dr., I pretty much see everything simultaneously, future and past and present all jumbled together like your mom and the milkman. So it’s all the same to me.

Still, though, there are some developments that even I, your ever-lovin’ blue-eyed Spart-diggity, could not foresee. Here are some of those developments, and my excuses.

1. It looks like this is a big year for home-field advantage, at least so far. I knew that would be the case; all the indicators pointed to it. (I have a lot of indicators, fools.) But I only thought the percentage would be up to about .565 or .568 at the most, not .577. I guess I underestimated the pussiness of professional baseball players. “Oh, poor us, we have to travel around the country in private jets and stay in five-star hotels for free — of COURSE we can’t be expected to win on the road.” What a sick, sick joke. Moving on…

2. Longtime readers of my work know that I like b.s. like “Player of the Month” about as much as I like cancer. (Want a small sample size? Check your pantalones, loser.) So I lolled my tidy ass off when I saw that May’s POM was Lance Freakin’ Berkman. For what? All the articles are like “Ooh, he’s hitting for a really high average.” Um, stats discredited much? BA is worth about as much as diarrhea in an elevator — funny, and you know there’s a story behind it, but not really very much of a big deal. And, sure, he had 21 extra-base hits in the month and scored 31 runs; better, but still not that impressive when you figure in the fact that HE PLAYS IN A DAMN CHILD’S PARK. Seriously, the dimensions of Minute Maid Park are the game’s biggest scandal, and any HR hit over that left-field wall, or even down the right-field line, are more suspect than a prom date with an adam’s apple. Berkman, Carlos Lee, anyone who takes credit for anything more than a long double into deep center is as much of a damn cheat as Roger Clemens. Word.

3. Okay, this one kills me — I would have completely housed the standings of both leagues, but I somehow had a mental poot and had the Padres last in the NL West instead of the Rockies. OUCH. Go ahead, kill me in the comments, you know you want to.

Okay, that’s about it so far. Sorry there ain’t more but I am really smart and I don’t make a lot of mistakes. Leave a comment exalting my superiority, or don’t, all the same to me.