OMG! Johnny Damon!

Johnny’s, like, totally my favorite, you know? I don’t understand why the Red Sox just didn’t sign him. What’s the difference? It’s like, $52 million isn’t that much money these days!

I was talking to Rachel, and she was like, Johnny came into the Life is Good store and totally bought the same hat that Shawn was wearing the other night at Leslie’s when we were all watching the John Mayer DVD. I think Melissa took a picture of herself sitting on Johnny’s lap with her camera phone and put it up on Facebook, but she totally defriended me last week. Like, is she constantly on her period? What a bitch.

I didn’t even know Johnny Damon was a free agent! But I’ve been, like, really stressed out with finals, you know? Like, this semester has been so hard. It’s like everyone I know isn’t getting enough sleep. It’s pretty bad. I was taking my final for O’Toole’s class the other day and I remembered how he’d talked about how the Red Sox and Yankees were perfect examples of the benefits of competition in business, and I was like, dude, come on. He’s like this totally old guy and he pervs on all the girls there. It’s so sketchy. Ashley says she saw him sitting alone at Axis a few weeks ago, just sipping a drink and, like…watching everybody. Ewww. What an O’Tool.

I kinda wish I hadn’t switched to economics. At least the semester’s finally over. Last night we all went over to that party that Steve and Josh were having in Brighton. Even though it was a Tuesday night, there were like a million people there. I was all like, “You guys! Class of 2007!” They totally got out of getting busted by the cops by using Josh’s girlfriend’s older brother’s ID to buy the keg. And even though everybody was really sad about Johnny Damon, it was still totally chill. Scott Van Buren said he “won me” playing Beirut! Boys! Josh and A.J. were talking about how much they couldn’t stand Johnny Damon now, and I was all like, “Wouldn’t you do the same thing?” If someone offered you $52 million dollars to go play intramural lacrosse for BC, you’d go to BC, right?

I’m just glad that I won’t be in Boston when people start saying mean things about Johnny Damon. He’s like…my boyfriend or something, I swear. He’s gonna marry me someday. I’m really gonna miss him. But it’s just like, the rest of the Red Sox are so…dirty. They’re like that one kid in class who never takes a shower and listens to all those bands nobody’s ever heard of. I went up to him the other day and pointed at his shirt and was like, “Wolf Eyes? I don’t get it!” And he wouldn’t even look at me. It’s like, Trot Nixon? Clean your helmet off. Ewww!

I can’t believe I have to go home tomorrow for winter break. My parents were so pissed when I told them I was changing my major. They wouldn’t talk about it for the whole night, and when I was watching Project Runway I heard them arguing about it and listening to some Grateful Dead record. But it’s like, I wasn’t going to make any real money as a dance therapy major, you know? I had to grow up a little. But they were all like, you sold out, working for the man, no daughter of mine. Parents. Whatever.

And like, getting in and out of New York is going to be so shitty because the trains are all on strike. I don’t understand why people go on strike in the first place! Don’t they understand that, like, there are millions of people who are walking out there? It’s so selfish. Daddy said he’d send a car to pick me up at Penn Station, though, so yay! Daddy!

I think the Yankees are way cuter than the Red Sox now. There are some totally hot guys on the Yankees. Mike Mussina, A-Rod, Posada…and Derek Jeter looks just like that guy Aaron who got kicked out of SAE last year for putting a roofie in that girl’s drink.

I saw this totally cute pink Yankees hat at City Sports. I think I’m gonna buy it.

Melissa Robinson is a junior at Boston University.