Hello, and thank you very much to the good men (and the women? jajaja I does not think so) in Beisbol Tonight to let to me write this new column, Fever of Beisbol: Drink It!

As the superior writer of the beisbol for El Universal, the newspaper of Caracas, I am very excited about the connections making by the new E$PN Somos Deportes. I ahead watch to be able to give my impression of a “spicy Latina” on the great and glorious game of the baseball, that has given so much to the good people of Venezuela.

We must begin with the controversy that fills the conversations of each one in Caracas: the conflict between Ozzie Guillen, the one in charge of the Chicago Medios Blancos, and Magglio Ordonez, that plays for los Tigres de Detroit. Ay, que apuro! I will not take sides, although both men are related to me distantly; I am third cousin to Magglio and niece of Ozzie. (That’s Venezuela!) Both are good and fine Venezuelan men that they have made a fine and good life in the game of beisbol.

So why must they fighting? With my uncle saying that Magglio is un pedazo de mierda (sorry!) and my cousin tercer saying that Ozzie is his enemy! It is a deep shame of beisbol, truthfully a low point in the glorious game of the diamond. It is to have no place in beisbol, and both men should apologize faster than oil coming up out of a well, or yanquis coming here to take possession of that oil.

I do not want our American readers to think that this is the way all Venezuelans act toward each others! We are a kind and loving people. Our hearts are as great as the ocean, and twice as wide. We think about many things, from emotions of ambiguity about the policies of Hugo Chavez to our many fine beauty queens and pop groups, all the way to the recent shellacking of our national futbol team at the feet of those pinche bolivianos.

In addition, Magglio had better focus on putting his intestines back into his body, and Ozzie needs to upgrade at the 3B (¿Joe Credi, usted me está embromando?) and get ready for when his pitching tightrope finally comes to an end.

Well, I have “yakked” at you enough here. I am very córneo to do a column of regularity for this blog, I only hope my English is not too badly for you! Until next time, as we say in Caracas, ¡muchos besos, y mojados del lleno-cuerpo abrazos de la pasión para el béisbol!

Ana Maria Callejeo Guillen, a former pop star and Miss World 2001, is the top baseball writer for El Universal, and an anchor for E$PN Somos Deportes.