They call him King.

Not that he rules anything bigger than a manhole-sized imaginary box. And even then only sometimes.

Not that people follow him. Only the royal scribes and a posse of brownnosers.

Not that he’s wise and experienced. He’s only 18.

I am talking, of course, about Pauper Felix Hernandez, the diaper dandy.

Only something’s starting to smell ripe.

For the last month, we have heard lots about young Felix: the next Doc Gooden. Baseball’s Michael Vick.

More like the next Felix the Housecat.

After starting out his career in Seattle like the return of Mount St. Helens, Felix Hernandez has become just a bunch of hot air.

An unphenom-like ERA of 3.86 in September. A loss to the lowly Orioles. Last month he got creamed by the Chicago White Sox, who are flopping like a deck of cards in Vegas.

But still we’re supposed to believe that this one’s the real deal, like the Rockies’ own sure-thing hurler, Jeff Francis.

Francis Sinatra could pitch better than that stiff. Out-sing him, too.

While Cooperstown builds that King Felix Wing in the Baseball Hall of Fame, baseball fans with a brain will be watching a real phenom actually win some games down in Miami.

For those airhead Felix fans out there, I have one question: whatchoo thinking about, Willis?

Woody Paige appears on ESPN’s Cold Pizza and Around the Horn. He is also a columnist for the Denver Post.