I know this has nothing to do with baseball, but since I am a baseball commentator, and this concerns something I supposedly did during a baseball game, then I guess it’s a baseball matter. A loyal fan e-mailed me this little “blog” link concerning a little something I said last night concerning the lovely and talented (wink wink) ESPN journalist Erin Andrews. In case you don’t want to read the link, this guy DMZ — yeah, that’s a name — calls me out for making some comments about Erin’s attractiveness and drop-dead sexiness. Oh no! I called a woman sexy and attractive! Call out the police and arrest me for that awful crime while drug dealers and other terroritsts roam the streets!
I’d talk about the lacking credibility of “blogs,” but famous writer Buzz Bissinger (a personal pal of mine, if you must know) already took them out to the woodshed and gave it to ’em good. Besides, there’s only so much time in the day to talk about unemployed virgins that live rent-free in their parents’ basement eating Taco Bell and playing Pac-Man all day. (Ouch!) Instead, I’m going to talk today about women, and what it means to be a woman in today’s society, and in the sport’s world, and how hard it is for a man to appreciate the modern woman without getting a bunch of guff from know-nothing namby-pamby losers.
Though you may not know it, back when I was growing up, old Sut was quite the ladies man — I had plenty of pretty young things lining up to wear my letterman jacket. When I saw a sweet little something that caught my eye, I made sure they knew the Sut was interested. A wink, a smile, a little swat on the heinie, a little Tune In Tokyo in the yearbook office — it was all out in the open, and it was totally harmless. I dare say it was actually respectful, but I don’t want to get myself in trouble with a certain militant and hair-covered sect of society, if you catch my meaning.
Today in the 21st century? Well, I already hinted at it. You follow a girl around for an hour or two, she’ll think you’re a weirdo. You show up at her front door unannounced, she’ll sic the cops on you! You even glance at a girl while walking by her bedroom window in the middle of the night, she’ll sue you for sexual harrassment! And don’t even try to talk to her about your new super-sturdy bedroom furniture! Don’t let ’em tell you otherwise: chivalry is in fact dead, and I got the cat-scratches to prove it.
The fact is, women want to have it both ways — they want to walk around showing off their legs and ankles to every Tom Dick and Harry on the street, and yet they want men to respect them for their mind while they’re flashing all that skin. Sorry, honey, but you can’t have it both ways. You can’t expect to go around dressed up in your skirts and blouses and expect men to ignore how nice and round your rear end is. If you don’t want your looks to be an issue, then don’t make them an issue. Newsflash, ladies: if you’re a professional, and you’re working around other professionals, maybe you should dress in a professional fashion. And ladies, another word of advice: get out of the kitchen if you can’t take the heat. And lemme tell you, even with the ball and chain wrapped around me like a hangman’s noose, Sut still brings the heat.
A lot of you young women our there could learn something from former presidential nominee Hillary Clinton — she was a looker back in the day, but now that she’s in politics, it’s all about frumpy pantsuits and low-heeled pumps. She doesn’t get my blood pumping the way she used to, but would you vote for a President that gave you wood? Exactly. Now, Chelsea, on the other hand … well, I guess I should stop there before I offend any of our sensitive readers with my totally respectful and offense-free opinions about the supple juicy mound that is the Rodham-Clinton derierre.
See, it’s resorting to that sort of PC shuck-and-jive that totally rusts my wagon. I come from a place and time where, if a man sees a woman’s butt or chest and likes the way it looks and says so, it’s called a complement. Way I see it, if it walks like a duck, and it’s got a nice ass, then I’m going to say, “God damn, that duck’s got a nice ass!” It’s not like we fellas give out these sorts of things like condoms at an abortion clinic. If I was dealing with ESPN’s Rachel Nichols, I can guarantee I wouldn’t have said one thing about her butt-ugly face. If I wanted to put up with women whose teeth look like they were flossed with a crowbar, I’d visit my mother-in-law (may she rest in peace, even if she’s not dead, the old battleax).
If only I was so lucky. Instead, I have to deal with the hottest thing in front of a microphone, and because I’m a man that appreciates the finer points (and curves!) of the fairer sex, I have to be reprimanded by some loser stranger out in Hippietown, USA because I got stuck working with a woman with legs out to here and a nice rack to boot? No way, buddy. Last I remember, this is America, and I can say whatever I want. This is why we’re fighting that war on terror over there, because I’m proud to be from somewhere where I can say that Erin Andrews gets me harder than quick-dry cement and not take any guff about it from nobody. Save that sort of book-burning facism for Iraq or the Middle East, because the Sut ain’t having none of that. And you can take that to the bank. With interest.
Cy Young Award winner Rick Sutcliffe wants you to know that the fine piece to his left in the picture above is his daughter, so you’d better watch what you’re thinking, buddy.
I think that Rick Sutcliffe is a hypocrite you go on and on complaining(like a little kid) about how women want it both ways, when in fact men are a hundred times more guilty for that. Guys expect to be able to sleep around(without even remembering the person’s name, don’t even it’s necessary to call and just basically kick the girl to the curb because all guys care about is getting laid or having a one night stand) and guys also expect to be able to cheat and just get away with it. Sorry, boys not going to happen, life doesn’t work like that. Guys can’t expect to be able to do all of that and get away with it without being called names like a whore, slut, skank and tramp and guess what you don’t because guys that do, what I mentioned are whores, sluts, skanks and tramps. This is why you’re full of bs when you say that women are the ones that want it both ways because men are the ones that expect a free pass in life. The very fact that guys cheat and sleep around just proves that guys have no class. Actually women have every right to be able to “show off their legs and flash all that skin” as you put it. Women have every right to wear what they want(cause last time I checked here in Canada women can wear whatever they wanted) especially without some guy thinking he has the right to tell women what they should or shouldn’t wear. Anyways who do you and all these other guys in this world think they are that the reason women wear blouses and skirts is so that men can notice “how nice and round your rear is”. Another thing is staring at a women’s butt or chest and saying that you liked it is never a complement, it’s degrading and disrespectful. The guy also just comes off as a creep and a pervert. As you could tell by what I wrote I am disgusted by the many disrespectful things you wrote about women, you should be ashamed and embarrassed of yourself especially since all of this is coming from a grown man(supposedly). One more thing a guy who considers himself a player or in this case a ladies man(yeah right, who are you kidding, someone thinks highly of themself, big ego) is actually a whore, slut, skank and tramp.
Raisa Parker, sorry to tell you this but you are completely clueless about this issue. It’s a man’s world out there and a man’s opinion of a woman will always matter more than a woman’s opinion of a man. The reason men get away with being the pigs they are is because it just doesn’t bother woman as much as the other way around. Sorry honey, that’s just the way it is.
Men see sex as a victory, women do not. That’s why men will try to have sex with anything that walks. If a woman fails to see this and goes ahead and gets used by a man (one night stand), then she has only her self to blame. You women understand how men work so why on earth are there so many sluts walking around giving themselves away for nothing? It’s you women that need self-respect. The only way you’ll get it from men is by showing to them that you have a sense of self-worth. Until then, stop blaming men for disrespecting women. Women are only disrespected because they allow themselves to be.
Your comment about women being able to wear whatever they want is also garbage. If you ever want a man to propose to you, you have to be attractive as a long-term partner. Sure, go ahead and dress like a skank, nobody is stopping you. But don’t expect any respect.