The Alien, unfazed, steps to the plate, a coil of hard cock and blackest eyes. Stevedore arms pull back the sculpted ash and then unfurl their fury at The Sphere. “Look at my shit!” his mighty swing exclaims, big balls swangin’ as that little ball rides a one-way ticket all the way downtown to History, […]
Continue reading →Hello again, everybody! It has been a long time to see you! In case you have been forgetful, allow me to give your start a jump. I am of course the resident expert on medicine for this website blog, as well as a part-time film actor and all around successful Sicilian fancy man, called Dr. […]
Continue reading →Hey, I’m Mike Piazza, and I’d like to talk to you about Jade Helm 15. You might have heard some chatter about Jade Helm 15 in the last few weeks. See, there’s an awful lot of crazy talk lately about how the government is using some “military exercises” to enact martial law and threaten the […]
Continue reading →Before Rickey says what’s on Rickey’s mind about this Alex Rodriguez nonsense, let’s get one thing straight. Rickey Henderson — AKA The Greatest Of All Time, in case you got hit on the head or died, which are the only excuses you’d have for forgetting that — lived his life, and continues to live his life, clean. […]
Continue reading →“Arturo ‘Arte’ Moreno is an American businessman.” That’s the first line of the Angels’ owner’s Wikipedia page, and there’s no better way to describe such a great man. His life is a shining exemplar of what makes America great. He is a veteran of the Vietnam War. He is a college graduate. He is a loving […]
Continue reading →New York, New York: it’s my kinda herpes sore. That’s right, Jethro Tull — lock your doors, drink your whiskey, and hide your grandmas, because L-Bow’s back with a deeeep bend for The City That Never Sleeps Without Bedbugs Crawling All Over Its F*cking Face. In case you happened to miss the biggest f*cking sports […]
Continue reading →Hard to believe it’s been nearly a year since my last open letter. A lot’s happened since then, including exactly what I said would happen to the Mets after I went to the DL. Just like in 2007, they got chumped by the Phillies. Again. Then they signed K-Rod and even traded for that J.J. […]
Continue reading →Let me set the scene for you. You’re an up and coming sports franchise that’s coming off an awful, terrible year. Flop after flop after flop. Maybe not flops as bad as Popeye or Ishtar, but close enough to give you some palpitations and night sweats — something like Jade or Silver, let’s say. Real stinkeroos. But […]
Continue reading →It wasn’t pretty, and it wasn’t long. It was barely even a fight. But when Red Sox slugger Kevin Youkilis took a pitch from Detroit Tiger wunderkind Rick Porcello between the two and the zero on the back of his jersey, I swear I heard a bell ring. This meeting of the minds and other body parts was nothing more than […]
Continue reading →LIZ LEMON! What’s up chicken butt? ;) And if you don’t know, now you know — it’s the Floydster! Do the dap! I know we haven’t talked much since that, um, incident in the airport with the key and the schadenfreude, so I’m trying out this AWESOME new technology that’s all the craze with the kids […]
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