Spring, Breaking

The Alien, unfazed, steps to the plate, a coil of hard cock and blackest eyes. Stevedore arms pull back the sculpted ash and then unfurl their fury at The Sphere.   “Look at my shit!” his mighty swing exclaims, big balls swangin’ as that little ball rides a one-way ticket all the way downtown to History, […]

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Puck Off!

What a time to be a hockey fan! At least, that’s what people that follow hockey told me. When I was approached by Ward York — who runs a little website you might be reading right now — to write about the hockey playoffs, I told him that didn’t make any damn sense. Everything I know […]

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BEERBONG SPORTS: Pats Fans Are A Bunch of Stupid Whiny F*cks

EDITOR’S NOTE: We here at Yard Work are happy to announce a partnership with an exciting new online sports-publishing venture called Beerbong Sports. Over the next few months, posts from their website will also appear here. These posts will be edited for content. Thanks for reading!  Unbelievable. Those shorts-squirting dick-rubbing clowns over at that other website […]

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Cut It Out!

Hello again, everybody! It has been a long time to see you! In case you have been forgetful, allow me to give your start a jump. I am of course the resident expert on medicine for this website blog, as well as a part-time film actor and all around successful Sicilian fancy man, called Dr. […]

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Pay A-Rod!

Before Rickey says what’s on Rickey’s mind about this Alex Rodriguez nonsense, let’s get one thing straight. Rickey Henderson — AKA The Greatest Of All Time, in case you got hit on the head or died, which are the only excuses you’d have for forgetting that — lived his life, and continues to live his life, clean. […]

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Pay Through The Nose

“Arturo ‘Arte’ Moreno is an American businessman.” That’s the first line of the Angels’ owner’s Wikipedia page, and there’s no better way to describe such a great man. His life is a shining exemplar of what makes America great. He is a veteran of the Vietnam War. He is a college graduate. He is a loving […]

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King Variations

 The Bucs hired private investigators to check out Winston, who’d been accused of, but not charged with, sexual assault. Twice he was exonerated by prosecutors, and once by the university after a probe by a Florida state supreme court justice found insufficient evidence to charge Winston with sexual assault. This was a great test of […]

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Whitlock And Load

So I don’t know that much about sports. Compared to Jason Whitlock, I mean. But I know a lot about publishing and editing and supervising and that whole part of the business. Maybe more than Jason, maybe not as — let’s just say I know enough. And, like I said, I know what it’s like to […]

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A Celebration Is Not A Riot

As the commissioner of the National Football League, it is my pleasure to speak out in times of crisis for the league. I relish the opportunity to stand up to these challenges and address them in a forthright and honorable manner. However, as the public representative of one of the largest business conglomerates in the […]

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Bleep The Mets

New York, New York: it’s my kinda herpes sore.  That’s right, Jethro Tull — lock your doors, drink your whiskey, and hide your grandmas, because L-Bow’s back with a deeeep bend for The City That Never Sleeps Without Bedbugs Crawling All Over Its F*cking Face.  In case you happened to miss the biggest f*cking sports […]

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