Baseball is the greatest game on the planet. You know that as well as I do — that’s why you’re reading this website, that’s why you rush home from work to watch your favourite club play every night, that’s why you take your family to ball games on Saturday afternoons instead of renting a cottage for the weekend. But devoted fans such as you and me are painfully aware that the American game is in decline. Steroid scandals, inflated contracts, and a stale style of play have alienated old fans and turned away potential new fans. Team USA’s poor performance in the World Baseball Classic, together with the stellar play of teams from Cuba, South Korea, and Japan; indicate that the balance of power is shifting rapidly. It’s becoming obvious that the best players and most exciting brands of baseball are not to be found on American soil. A few years ago, I recognized that this shift was starting to take place, and in fact that’s why I left my job as GM of the Boston Red Sox.

I firmly believe that Israel has the makings of a future baseball powerhouse, and that is why I want to start a baseball league there, hopefully as soon as summer 2007. Whether it be parliamentary elections, secular vs religious debates, or Hezbollah, Israelis love battles and they love competition. They adore sports, being outside in the sun, and wearing funny-looking caps, all of which helps to make the game of baseball perfectly suited to their sensibilities. I always tell potential investors, “New York is full of Jews. New Yorkers are crazy about baseball. Israel is full of Jews. I think we have a winning idea here.”

Some people have pointed out that Israelis have too many distractions, too many political complexities, and don’t have the attention spans for embracing the game of baseball. Others have expressed concern that the ongoing threat of a Katyusha attack tends to take away from the enjoyment one would normally experience from a relaxing afternoon at the ballpark. However, I believe it is equally true that with war, comes peace, and with peace, people need something to do. Baseball will nicely fill that void and help to lift the continuous fog of war. Some folks have told me that this league simply won’t succeed, that it will be nothing but a huge disaster, or Nakba, but I truly believe that spreading baseball’s popularity overseas will represent a new era of independence of the game (from American control). I also firmly believe that I’m the person for the task. As the director of day-to-day operations for the Red Sox, I presided over that club’s historic rise to perennial wild card contention, so I believe my record as a man of great vision speaks for itself.

Any baseball league, even a brand new one, needs star power and I’ve been hard at work to bring in some big names to help get this league off the ground. I brought Manny Ramirez, Troy O’Leary and Jimy Williams to Boston, and I promise Israeli baseball fans that I’ll use that same mettle in bringing top-notch stars to play in their country’s league. Former MLB All-Star Jose Offerman has already signed a four year, $40 Million deal to be the player-manager of the Be’ersheva Sabras. It’s obvious to me that Shawn Green is no longer interested in playing baseball in America anymore. He’s gone from one of the highest paid players in the game to an unmotivated journeyman, which is why he’s playing for his third club in just three seasons. As the star right fielder for the Jerusalem Haredis, I think he’ll be a huge star again, and as such, a multi-year deal has been extended to Green via his agents. I’m hoping that Gabe Kapler will accept our offer to play alongside Green for Jerusalem so that we can promote them as part of the “Best Outfield in Israeli Baseball” alongside former Soviet basketball prodigy Haim Rabinovich, who immigrated to Israel in 1991 and persued a semi-successful career as a concert violinist before heeding the call to return to athletic competition. Israelis prefer their sports heroes to look like gay porn stars, which is why I’m positive that Kapler will be a big success if he chooses to play in our league.

You know as well as I do that baseball is a game for kids (even grownup kids), so naturally, my organisational team is working hard at selling the game to the Israeli fans of tomorrow. Whether it be souvenir gloves shaped like the Star of David or chanting along with the Rally Rabbi in the bottom of the ninth inning, baseball will capture the imagination of Israeli children just as it did with American children in prior generations. All this plus kosher hot dogs in every ball park! L’hitra’ot — in 2007!

Dan Duquette was the General Manager of the Boston Red Sox from 1995-2002. He likes latkes, hamentashen, and falafel as long as it’s not too harif because it gives him a bisl vey inem boykh. Nu?