New York Yankees vs. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim TS: Aaron Small or Gary Cherone? Lucky — yes. Pretty — no. Fucking old — yes and yes again. (Shawn Chacon is Nunu Bettencourt, reason enough for those pinstripes to don vanity license plates.) The Yanks en largesse are tres Bon Jovi, proof positive on both […]

Picks Seattle Mariners: Like the reformed Drifters dealing one spinning schlep for Brian McKnight and Babyface, the eMo’s hoodie-winked inexplicable press doll Sabean into dealing two might-bes (Foppert, Torrealba) for one never-was-and-never-will-be (ironically, Winn) (que sera, sera). Bill Bavasi finally overcomes “Stand” Pat Gillick’s deadline shivers, proclaiming “next year is next year.” Wadda lug. A […]

Los Angeles Dodgers vs. San Diego PadresCongressional fuckers say it’s ‘roids, but schlong swinging is p.u.re beisbol like spikes-up homophobia and back-turned racism, and the Dodgers, led by frathauze prez Jim Tracey, man up with the worst of ’em. That the LAD persist in their back-page chest-thumps while playing bananarama “smartball” (a term those London […]

Baltimore Orioles vs. Pittsburgh PiratesSteelers Modey Lemon the best double-play combo since Ness-Capone (yesterday’s gangsters are today’s noizesters, as hairy dudes’ll tell ya), who are these young Bucks coming straight out of cashville? (Do Pirate checks bounce?) Led by Dominican Miguel Tejada (a reggaetone collection like Thurston’s got Fahey), the Karen O’s yard balls indiscriminately, […]