Howdy – ZachDog comin’ at YOU from the Yard Work think tank. For those of you not in the know, I am, if I say so myself, the be-all and end-all for multimedia entertainment, the rap / rock / country John Wayne to Kid Rock’s Yosemite Sam, the TV / movie / print / music quadathlete that makes Bruce Jenner look like Jan Hammer, the hot slash that keeps Usenet grooving along. Out RIGHT NOW is my album Ghost Stories, featuring “Other Side”, a collab with the hottest girl in pop music, BEP’s Fergie. Being a Kids Inc. AND Wild Orchid fan from way way back – back in the days of the Atari 7800 and the Kelly Kapowski, you hear me? – I admit I got a bit of the rush rush working with such a fine and talented artiste. And you will, too! Call your local stations and MAKE IT SO!
But, anyway, yeah, I’m a hard-working part-timer here at The Yard, putting together the 1s and 0s that make this bastion of baseball brilliance shine on. I’ll admit I’m not the savviest codemonkey (HTML For Dummies is my fact checkin’ cuz!), but I can hold my own. Part of my tasks include perusing the voluminous referral logs – that be the list of brilliant sites that acknowledge the greatness of The Yard. One such site I found was interesting, to say the least – he (of course it was a dude!) actually had an entire post from Yard Work on his site! Verbatim! In toto! Egads, Sherlock! A little spelunking revealed that this guy’s blog wasn’t a blog per se, but what the kids (and BattleNet denizens) like to call a ReBlog. Say WHAT? I’ll admit, I was feeling a bit of the Lars Ulrich in me come out with the scissor hands to get all “Battery” on this identity thief biznatch. But then I did a little research about reblogging, which lead me to this:
It might sound simple, but you don’t just select a given content, you also select the way the reblogged author presented that content, the way it commented or illustrated it (though the system gives you the possibility to add pictures, text, or comments.) The challenge then is to create a rhythm between strong visuals and interesting texts, while mixing the topics in an equilibrated “montage.”
Well, gee, that’d be nice and all if that’s what was happening. But it ain’t the case – broheems is just pilfering like it’s a potluck dinner. It’s straight up property theft, and I ain’t gonna stand for it. Some of you might be saying, “well, what’s the big deal? blah blah free exposure blah blah.” You’re the same folks that just download music for free w/out thinking of giving folks like The Sel his proper monetary kudos. Or you’re buying bootleg videos off of some crack dealer in the NYC because you just gotta own a copy of Hustle & Flow before Blockbuster gets to it. Well, whoop THAT trick, and call me David Blaine! It’s thinking like that what gives “pop critics” and “hypertext product providers” and “professional bloggers” the right to make a living off the backs of hard-working creative folk. And it’s a bunch of horse-ass. If you can’t get successful with your own talent, then step off and let folks with talent do the damn thing. And get yourself one Starbucks application.
Case in point #1: baseball players stealing signs. Just this weekend, Marlin manchild Josh Beckett accused cycle stud Randy Winn of getting signs from 2nd base. (No wonder he hit for the cycle!) And this article from July talks about the Blue Jays doing it, too. Folks will say that it’s part of the game, and that it’s to be expected, and that folks gotta adjust to that. I say HELL NO! There’s enough crap that’s tolerated in baseball as is – steroid abuse, overpriced beer, Russ Ortiz – and there’s gotta be a point where someone says ENOUGH! And that someone is the guy typing this!
And I don’t mean a pitcher throwing a fastball at a player’s head because he might be getting help. I mean someone in that fancy cushy front office getting out of their $500 leather chair and making a rule that says, unequivocally, that this won’t be tolerated anymore. Peter Finch in Network style! Folks SHOULD be mad as hell! Stealing signs is as much a cheat as popping pills is, yet folks don’t even blink. I say BLINK LIKE A SPAZ over this crap! And I’m talking to you, Fan Of Baseball! Put yr damn foot down and say, “no, sir, I don’t like this one bit!” Dissent has to start with the lower castes before the monarchy will recognize the damn thing. So recognize!
Case in point #2: Mark Tremonti, super wank knob for that ultra-mega-smash group of 10th generation grunge groupers Alter Bridge, stealing attention from folks worth a damn. It’s bad enough that John-Denver-meets-flange nonsense gets called “music” and grabs shelf space in Sam Goody like it’s a DMB album or something, but then this fret jockey somehow parlays that into a gig as an MLBlogger? The hell! Like being pals with Albert Belle’s buddy and a gay guy qualifies a bro to write about anything. It’s like what my dad always said – the rich get richer, the poor get poorer, and stealth Christian rock bands get to befriend hairy concussed dipsticks and pimp out MLB.com to a bunch of high school dropouts while talented multi-genre artistes are forced to be no-paid keyboard jockeys for a bunch of dot-com lifers just to buy nose candy for a girl that pisses herself ON STAGE. Whatever, cheater! Learn a new chord and shut your type-hole! If you kids want to read what a REAL musician thinks about sports, check this out. And call me a tree, because I am outta here! Peace!
Zach Selwyn is an actor, musician, writer, co-host of the Game Show Network’s “Extreme Dodgeball”, guest host of EPSN’s Around The Horn, former contestant on ESPN’s Dream Job, pool cleaner, Fuller Brush salesman, and sandwich artist. His new album, Ghost Signs, is available wherever records like that are sold.